I Can't Sorority Squat and Skinny Arm at the Same Time!

For my job, I have the distinct pleasure of working with college students. This regularly allows me to reminisce about my own college experience to momentarily relate to the kids I’m working with.
Oh God, I just called them kids. That hurt my soul.
But as the school year comes to an end, my Facebook feed is filled with bar crawls, final formals, and all the typical “last hurrah” activities.

Some of my own last hurrah shenanigans.
The only word to describe looking like this in front of the California state capitol at 1am.

Almost every student I work with swears they are so busy. In college I was so busy too. Yet somehow I always had time to fit in a daily 2pm nap, go out 4 nights a week, and spend my whole Friday afternoon in frat houses.
And when I look back, my major concerns seem completely well, not major. They frequently included:
Where are we “all” meeting for dinner? The amount of money I spent eating out in college makes me nauseous. Mostly because I’m still paying it back.
College Nadine, the freshman 15 won’t stick around for 3 additional years if you quit eating at restaurants like it’s your job. And since you’re probably meeting other sorority girls, just assume that you’re about to pay $10 for a salad and $10 for that drink you just ordered so you can start your pre-game while you eat. You’re a true visionary.
How many calories are in one shot of vodka? I like to call this, “going out math”.
I was constantly confused as to why I was gaining weight despite eating fairly healthy (or at least thinking I was) and working out frequently.

Well, college Nadine, 100 calories/shot X 8 shots = 800 additional calories (plus chaser). Try that 4x a week and I think I’ve gotten to the bottom of that one.
Throw that right on top of the salad you ate for dinner and you’re in for a real treat around 2:30am. Unless of course, you finish your night off with a slice of pizza. Which you always do.
What day is my student loan money going to be disbursed to my checking account?Best day of the quarter. Trip to Forever 21 anyone? I need an outfit for our Naughty Schoolgirl party on Friday.
My roots are so bad but I’m so broke. You know what I discovered within months of joining a sorority? How much better blonde hair looks if you leave it to the professionals. Great time to discover this, at my brokest point in life.

How did I spend $53 at the bar last night? Now I have $12 in my checking account.Nadine, do not, under any circumstances buy a round of drinks. Just don’t. Stick to the $2 PBR’s and add your name to the Karaoke list, homegirl. The whole bar needs to hear you sing Don’t Stop Believin’ for the 12th Time.
I can’t sorority squat and skinny arm at the same time. It’s one or the other. Both just looks awkward.
If you were in a sorority and you left college without perfecting both of these, you learned nothing.

And the most important question of all:
What am I wearing out tonight?I’m going to go ahead and guess something with a lot of spandex. You’re going to wear it as a dress, college Nadine, but let me tell you, it could be a shirt.
Or maybe you’ll just wear an actual shirt. Thankfully, Kaylin had a sewing machine and could sew in the sides of mens t-shirts to make them dresses.

She’s a ruler, I’m a finger painting. Since we don’t do shit like this anymore, we’ve had to use our immense creativity somewhere else. Hence the blogs.
As you can see, college was rough for me.
I’ve basically transferred these feelings to the adult world, made blogging my new sorority, and have a whole new set of completely ~~ridiculous~~ important concerns like:
“If I don’t post by 9am, will less people see it?” or “I’m wearing long sleeves in my about me picture and now it’s spring. Does that look weird?”
Yes, that was is an actual concern. So you see, the ridiculousness never ends. Happy Friday!

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