I am generally a very happy person. I rarely have bad days (just bad moments) and on any given day, if you asked me “how are you?” I’d say “good” and mean it. A big part of that is my relationship with N. And Archie of course, but this post is mostly about N.
N and I are about 3.5 years in. We met at work when he came to my desk to do a “sit with” and learn about my job. So yeah, my life partner showed up at my desk one day and that was that. He is the person I fell in love with. That part just happened. He is the person I have chosen to spend my life with. He is not my soulmate.
I’m a romantic comedy lover, a mushy book reader, and a love song listener. I believe in love that can last a lifetime. But I also believe that I could have found that love with lots of different people. It seems ludicrous that N would be the only person for me in a world of 7.2 billion people (and counting).
Aside from being a little cheesy, the word soulmate really feels unrealistic to me. It feels like proclaiming us to be soulmates would be naive and honestly, a little boastful.
Had I stayed in California, I’m certain I would have eventually met a man and fallen in love. I know that N would have found someone else if he had never found me. I feel like there are many people that any one person could be compatible with. I could have been happy without him. I could have been happy with someone else. But that’s just not what happened in the story that is my life.
It would be easy to wonder about fate. How did a Californian and a New Yorker wind up in the same company, in a city neither of them ever expected to live in? Our colleges were 3,500 miles apart. Our hometowns are equally far. And yet we wound up at the same company at the same time in the same department. We were the same age and were both single. And after all that, we just clicked. Hundreds of tiny (and huge) decisions put is in the same place at the same time. But it wasn’t fate. It was chance. It was love. It was choice.
We didn’t walk into each other’s lives because of destiny. Our relationship isn’t perfect and he isn’t my soulmate. He’s the man I love dearly. I could have been happy without him, but I choose not to. Each day I make the choice to continue to be N’s partner, as he chooses to continue to be mine. To put effort in, to continue to love, and to be better partners every day. I can’t imagine my life or my future without him. So screw soulmates. They don’t exist. We chose each other. Isn’t that the most romantic thing of all?