I’ll start with this: N and I are just fine. But since I’m fairly certain (ahem, positive) that I won’t be needing these strategies in my future, I’ve decided to share how I got over past break ups. Though I wish I could tell you that occasionally I was the dumper, I was always (yes, always) the dumpee (dumped?). Whatever, I was the one who got broken up with. It happened.
I think it’s pretty obvious to anyone whose been through one that break ups are the worst. If you’re anything like me (i.e. human), somehow emotional pain feels so much like physical pain. The only way to put it: it sucks. Sure now it feels like it was all meant to happen that way. Now I’m glad it happened. But then? Then I was a devastated, broken person who needed to figure out how to put herself back together. Naturally I devised a method that I’m certain no doctor would recommend, but alas, might help all my 19 year old readers out there. So here we go…
1 | Figure out your food. You’re either an eater or a starver. That’s just the facts. Under stress, some people over eat and some people just can’t have an appetite. I lose my appetite. During my worst break up I lost 12 pounds. I don’t advocate doing this but it does help you feel fabulous when you return to the real world. So if you are an eater, buy some snacks. If you’re a starver, well, sip on some wine. Although by no means is this the time to get belligerently drunk. We’ve all done that and it helps you feel better 0% of the time and is a guaranteed way to be the crying girl at your sorority formal. Got a little too specific there…moving on…
2 | Get a Netflix subscription. Actually who the hell doesn’t already have one? Find a comedy or heartwarming drama and get hooked. Lay in bed and watch many, many seasons in a row.
Dear How I Met Your Mother,
You saved me. And for that I am always grateful.
Girl who is no longer Broken
3 | When you’ve hit a low point, write a list of all the things you don’t like about him. Listen, I didn’t say this was a list of mature ways to get over a relationship. While it may be tempting to just write “he’s a douche-lord” (thank you Khloe Kardashian for making this phrase part of my vocabulary), try for the meaningful, real reasons.
Why didn’t it work? Did you have different long-term goals? Were you never going to be at the same maturity level? Could you just not live the rest of your life with a man who thought it was his calling to start a revolution in a third-world country even though he was a frat boy with a trust fund? Whoa, again, got a little too specific there.
Write it down and save it. Save it for that moment when he comes crawling back. Save it for the moment when you run in to him and your heart feels like it’s going to fall out of your chest. Go home and read it. Re-read it. And never be tempted to get back together.
4 | Read a good book. Between seasons of your chosen show, dive in to some easy reading fiction. Keep your mind busy. Become a reader and let the stories take you somewhere else.
5 | At your next low point, turn to self-help books. Love Smart by Dr. Phil helped me tremendously. Yeah, there’s something I never thought I’d admit to. Now it sits on my bookshelf, mildly embarrassing me whenever we have a visitor but as it provided guidance and love when I needed it, will now stick with me for life. He even makes Sex and the City references. That’s how you know something is legit.
6 | Know that it gets better. Chances are this isn’t your first time being heartbroken and there’s a good chance it won’t be your last. Remember how you feel about the last guy now? You’ll feel the same way about this guy some day. Keep telling yourself that.
You do, girl, you totally do.
7 | Move 3,5000 miles away. I realize that this is not a possibility for 99% of people but I left California heartbroken. And by the time we crossed the state line in to Arizona, I was over it. Just. Like. That.
This entire list is assuming that, like me, you aren’t super rich. If you are, by all means get a proper therapist and a new wardrobe.
How do you get over break ups? Someone reading this is heartbroken. Your words, and mine, might help them.
Today I’d like to introduce you to someone who won’t need this post at all, cause she’s a happily married lady. Rachel writes over at The Random Writings of Rachel.
What on earth is she doing posing with a bear? It’s a funny story that turned in to a blog series. Check it out! Want to cheer someone up while amusing yourself? Rachel shows you how. She also shared something I’m certain most bloggers will find blasphemous: she isn’t impressed by Target. When you see why, it will all make sense (kind of, I still love Target!).
I also loved reading about her experiences with changing her last name to one that is challenging for English speakers. I’ll need to take notes on that one! Want to see more of Rachel? Head over to The Random Writings of Rachel and tell her I sent you.