I’m not really in to Facebook. Back in the day when you had to have a .edu email address and you there was no news feed (oh the joys of manually stalking people…it was hard work!) Facebook was a glorious place. You could see pictures of what your friends did that weekend! You could easily find out where anyone was going to college! All your status updates were in the third person! “Nadine is….”
Nadine is over Facebook. That’s what. Because of the people below.
1. The bible verse sharer
Listen, I’m fine with the occasional reminder of someones beliefs. But if that’s all you post, no. Just no. It’s too much. Even if you had a shot at converting people via Facebook, the frequency of these posts are killing that. Sorry I’m not sorry.
2. The Obama Care (ahem, the Affordable Care Act) basher
I’m not saying I know anything about the Affordable Care Act. I don’t (hangs head in shame). But I assure you that if (when) I do learn about it, it will not be from a snarky, uneducated Meme on Facebook. I’m fairly certain that no one has ever just up and changed their political stance because of a Facebook comment.
3. My Mom
Kidding Mom! Please don’t return all my Birthday presents. My mom mostly shares dog videos, which I appreciate. But I promise you, my personal Facebook page consists entirely of things that my Mom has shared with me. In general, Moms have taken over Facebook.
On second thought, thanks Mom. Anything dog related makes me really happy.
4. The vague status updates, feel-bad-for-me attention seeker
This most frequently includes Taylor Swift song lyrics, cryptic love references, and the excessive use of emojis. Inevitably, 37 people will comment “ohh my gosh what’s wrong? love you guuurrrl.” Don’t do it. It’s what they want you to do. Ignore them and they’ll go away. Maybe.
5. Oversharer Mommy
I don’t care that your kid just went potty in the toilet for the first time. I really don’t. Facebook is not the place to overshare. That’s what blogs are for.
6. The game inviter
No, I don’t want to buy more charms or milk your cow or bring coins to your casino. Do you even realize you are continuously inviting me to these things? I find that the only people who do are the people I’ve awkwardly lost touch with. Whenever I get a request I know they must have no idea the game is sending it to every single friend on Facebook. Awk.
7. The inconsiderate throwbacker
It should be illegal to share a throwback photo from anytime between 6th and 10th grade. Those years do not need to be brought back from the dead. And so help me God, if you tag me in a photo circa 8th grade with braces, cystic acne, an at-home perm, throwing up a peace sign, I will de-friend you. I will.
8. The unflattering photo poster
Shhh…I’ve been this person. And you probably have too. You know when there is a picture and it’s so flattering of you but maybe not so flattering of your friend? You want to post it so bad because damn, you look fabulous! The chances of you posting it are directly correlated with how much you actually like the person. Truth.
In spite of all of this, I continue to use Facebook. So now that I’ve thoroughly bashed it, if you want to “like” my blog on Facebook, be my guest. I’m sure I’ve missed one or two (or 12) other people who should be kicked off Facebook.
Who should be added to this list? Better yet, share the most obnoxious thing you’ve seen on Facebook. There are bound to be some doozies.