1. My skin. I look like a freaking 15-year-old. I don’t know what it is about this era of trying to just finish out breastfeeding but my hormones are crazy town and it’s coming out my face.
2. Ben still can’t crawl or walk and sometimes I worry it’s because of me. Do I do too much for him? Am I enabling him? His physical therapist assured me that she didn’t think I was the problem (it’s typical stuff for a baby born at 34 weeks) but it doesn’t mean I don’t wonder if it’s me or that other people think it’s me. But again, why do I care?
3. I always assumed that if I worked from home part-time and had only one child that I’d have plenty of time to work out regularly. I’m sure I could make the time, but it’s harder to do so than I thought. I’m not that motivated. But when my friends who work full-time manage to work out regularly I feel simultaneously in awe of them and also like a giant turd.
4. My upper arms. They are definitely stronger from carrying around a 20lb. baby but it has not made them thinner, it’s made them thicker. Don’t call me an anti-feminist but I don’t really care to be super strong and frankly, don’t want to look it.
5. I love being home with Ben all day (even if getting my work done is getting harder and harder as his naps get shorter) and I’ve certainly learned a lot about myself. I’m much more of an introvert than I realized. I’ve taken those personality tests and I swear, sometimes I’ll come up as an E and sometimes as an I (usually followed by NFJ, I think). Maybe I’m a true ambivert?
Anyway, as the result of being alone a lot with a human who is not a great conversationalist, I sometimes feel like I have less to talk about when I am in social settings. My life is pretty mundane (in the best way possible) and it makes me feel like I don’t have as much to contribute. Contrast this with my prior work where I literally talked to people all day – on the phone, in my cubicle, in the next cubicle over, by the coffee maker, etc. I miss that because perhaps it gave me more to talk about. I guess I just wonder if I’m becoming a bore. But I’m a happy bore so that’s something.
And since the sorority girl in me can’t end on a con, let’s do a few pros. Some things I’m proud of:
1. I did go for 3 runs last week (totaling 10 miles), so that’s something. Plus one of them was in the morning! It’s not a habit yet and I’m not sure how to regularly fit them in to my life right now (it’s gonna have to be morning…sob), but it’s something.
2. I’ve been doing the 1 Second Everyday app every day of Ben’s life and his first birthday is on Thursday. I’m weirdly proud of the video and so excited to share it with our families. It is beautiful and heartbreaking to watch how quickly they go from little squishy newborns to almost kids. Such a little project turned in to something so special.
3. We did no spend September, which for us meant no extra purchases, just groceries and life necessities. I’m pretty proud of myself that I stuck to it. We started a little late (September 3rd maybe?) and are continuing until we leave for San Diego on Thursday. I haven’t bought any clothes! Or makeup!
I hope you’re having a wonderful Monday. And I hope you like these “old school” blog posts where I just ramble a bit and speak from the heart. Remember those days? Do you want to see content like this or do you prefer something a little more polished? Let me know.