The Woman I Want to Be


I’m not big on new years resolutions. I’m just not convinced that the beginning of January is the best time to start fresh on anything. January is a good month for binge watching TV shows, cuddling with your dog, and enjoying cozy nights in watching movies and ordering takeout. It’s the time that I struggle most to maintain my existing healthy habits.

Interestingly, Persian New Year (Nowruz) is celebrated every year on the first day of spring. They’re on to something with that. Each year when I celebrate with N’s family I wonder – why isn’t the first day of spring everyone’s new year? It makes so much sense, right? I could totally start a new fitness plan on March 21st. It’s the perfect time to start getting motivated and in shape for summer. So I mean, if you’re not feeling like now is going to be a super successful time for you to start something new, consider the first day of spring. Just sayin’.

But on to my January resolutions. I always kind of giggled at people who picked a “word of the year”. It seemed a little cheesy and hard to measure. But this year, as the months passed, I was disappointed in myself for my small failures in my relationships. Each time a birthday passed for a friend and I knew I didn’t send a card, I’d be a bit ashamed. I knew their birthday was coming. I had every intention of acknowledging it. And then suddenly it’s 3 days before and I don’t have a single damn postage stamp. Such a silly reason to forget to acknowledge people who are important to you with more than just a text message.

So as we stood on the roof deck at midnight, looking at the fireworks with a view of the Philadelphia skyline, we went around and each of us shared one resolution for this year. Some were the usual – “I’m going to actually use my gym membership”. Some were girly and fun – “I want to wear nail polish more!” This year, I went with heartfelt. I want to be more thoughtful. I want to remember more birthdays and anniversaries. I want my cards to arrive early. I want to check in more with people I have a tendency to fall out of touch with. I want the people I love to feel that love.

It’s not measurable. But I think if I get to December and I feel I’ve failed, I’ll be deeply disappointed in who I’ve become as a person. By then, 30 will be staring me in the face. The woman I want to be is more thoughtful and loving than the woman I currently am. 2017, cheers to love.

  • Love this idea! I’m not great at sending cards myself, but it’s such a simple, thoughtful way of letting someone you love know that you’re thinking about them.

    • I think that getting married helped me get everyone’s addresses haha and now it feels a lot easier to utilize snail mail for small gestures.

  • A simple but great goal!

  • Lauren Douglas

    i love this goal! snail mail is super important to me…who doesn’t love the feeling of opening up a love note that is NOT a bill! 🙂 happy 2017!

    • My best friend is so good at snail mail and it makes me feel so freaking special. I want other people to feel that way in 2017.

  • I totally love this goal. I decided to do a word this year for the same reason – because I didn’t feel like I was getting things done but I wanted to do better all the way around. 🙂 We’ll see how it goes… but so far… I’m liking 2017.

    • The word thing was never something I thought I would do but it’s definitely better for changes that aren’t distinctly measurable. Good luck this year!

  • First day of spring – now that sounds like something I can work with 🙂 That’s a great resolution… I’m exactly the same way. I plan presents and cards so far in advance but then the day creeps up on me and nothing’s sent and I feel like a total A-hole. This year, I think at the end of each month, I’m going to go card-shopping for all the birthdays of the month, write them, stamp/address them, and then set a reminder on my calendar to mail them a week out!

    • Doesn’t spring just sound like a better time to make resolutions? I do the same thing with presents and cards. I can’t even tell you how many times I haven’t sent something simply because I didn’t have a stamp (such a lame excuse). I definitely like your strategy going in to 2017.

  • This is a fantastic resolution. I’m totally with you on starting fresh in the spring – especially if you live in a place that really has a lot of cold weather and snow (like me, and you!), it can be hard to get a good start in the winter. Unless your resolution ends up being to watch more Netflix, hahaha.

    • I’m always in support of a resolution to watch more netflix 😉

  • I’ve been thinking a lot about this same thing lately—about how it’s SO HARD to keep up with old friendships and other relationships once you’re married. Part of it is that you just don’t see those people as often as you used to (before, I had high school and college classes in common with many of my friends, or I even roomed with some of them). But now, we’re in different towns, sometimes different states…it gets harder. And now almost all of us have kids, which makes it harder. But the older I get, the more I realize that I absolutely MUST make that effort…because those friendships are so necessary. I consider myself extremely lucky in the spouse department and I can honestly say he’s my best friend, but I still NEED my female friends. So, cheers to both of us in 2017 as we work towards connecting more—more often, and more deeply. Best of luck to you!

    • Different states is the hardest thing for me. I don’t feel like marriage has changed anything but if it coincided with a move, I could totally see that. I actually think (and I hate myself a little for saying this) that Snapchat has helped a bit. It’s a peek into your day to day life and I’ve used it to rekindle some long-distance friendships that I had trouble keeping in my day to day life.

  • That’s how I’ve felt going into 2017 too. I’ve lost touch with so many people who are important to me. I don’t send out cards, or call people, or just send texts to see how they’re doing anymore. Or even check their facebook! That’s not me, and not who I want to be. So, here’s to us hopefully doing better!

    • I always kind of think that if you feel that way about someone, there is a good chance they feel the same about you. I try and remember that when reaching out to someone after a good chunk of time has passed and I feel awkward.

  • This is great. My word last year was love. And I love the way you said it. You want the people you love to feel that love. So cool. I like it.

    Also. Yes. They’re onto something with this March start thing. I still feel like I haven’t gotten to relax and decompress from the last year yet.

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