I’m Not Stressed About Our Wedding

bride and groom

I don’t find wedding planning stressful.

I’m seriously concerned that this means that I’m doing it all wrong, forgetting something major, or just generally am planning the worst wedding in the history of the world.

I read these articles about how stressful wedding planning is. My coworker insists that she was a neurotic mess leading up to her wedding. And I’m just looking around going “I should be freaking out and WHY AM I NOT?!”

It probably helps that I refuse to acknowledge The Knot’s checklist as being an actual thing. I got engaged on a Saturday, made an account on Sunday, and somehow already had 37 overdue tasks. That’s when I decided to take everything they tell me with a grain of salt.

So instead, I stick to the “essentials” checklist and that seems to keep The Knot in check. No, I don’t need two makeup trials. I probably won’t even do one. Bridal shower? No. Guest book? No. Favors? No. Fancy cake? No. Expensive shoes that no one will really see? Absolutely not.

We just did things in the order we felt like they needed to be done.

It seemed like we should find a venue first, and we did. We found a caterer. We chose our menu and our alcohol. I ordered my dress (after trying on like 100). We booked a photographer and a DJ. We reserved blocks of hotel rooms for guests.

So we wouldn’t be slammed all at once, we made payment plans with almost everyone.

I don’t know, I’m just confused about what to be stressed about. Most days I completely forget that we’re planning a wedding. Then someone will enthusiastically ask me, “so how’s wedding planning going?!” And I’m like, hm, maybe there’s something I should be doing. And then there isn’t. It helps that our engagement is 13 months long, so we’ve got some time (though now we’re down to 7 months).

No one told me that when planning a wedding, it’s a lot of “hurry up and wait”. Once all the big things are booked, there isn’t much to do until closer to the wedding when (allegedly) suddenly there will be 4,000 things to do all at once. I will forget half of them and am still somehow not worried.

I don’t want to think I have it under control if I don’t, but it kind of feels like I do.

Except the writing the ceremony and vows part. That we haven’t even started. Oh, the vows are the most important part? Right! Duh, we totally know that. We’ll probably work on those the weekend before.

And what if I told you that they’ll probably be a lot like this? Because I’m pretty sure we said it before they did…

leslieknopeben vows

I’ll make sure to write an update to this post two weeks before the wedding when I’m having a meltdown from all the stress and have realized that I completely forgot something major.

If you’ve planned a wedding, tell me, did you forget anything? At what point should I start freaking out?


  • Mae

    Holy crap lady! I was just texting my main woman(i hate maid and matron of honor title) about this same thing. It doesn’t feel right having nothing to do. It’s almost stressing me out that I have nothing. Glad I’m not the only freak out there who hasn’t been a basket case.

  • I felt the same way (minus one day where I had some trouble with our music guy)(the one day happened to be two days before the wedding when he told me he couldn’t do both the ceremony and reception music) and my engagement was only 2 months long. Don’t sweat that you’re not sweating it!

  • My wedding’s in 3 months and whenever people ask me how planning’s going, I’m just like, “uh. . .fine?” There’s really nothing left to do except send invitations, get my man a suit, and find nice looking comfortable shoes (dress is short so peeps will actually see them!). I know some people go all out for their weddings, unlike you and me, but I think if planning is turning someone into a bundle of nerves, SOMETHING has to be wrong!

  • I was the exact same way! (And we booked/planned in pretty much the same order as you guys.) It gets a little stressful near the end, when you’re waiting on RSVPs and actually getting stuff to the venue, but other than that we just had such a blast planning our wedding. And I did a lot of stuff myself, so I really think the whole process is completely doable with little to no anxiety!

  • Allison Livingston

    So true about the “hurry up and wait”. I wasn’t expecting it either! We were engaged for 15 months so once we got the big stuff done, it was a long time of nada. But it does get busier close to the actual date with things you don’t (or I didn’t) even realize were going to be necessary. Confirming logistics, finalized lists to vendors, RSVPs, any last minute things that come up. All still manageable though!

  • I felt the same way! We didn’t even have a long engagement due to some family leaving the country soon, but we thought it wasn’t stressful either! I guess its like you said, you don’t actually do all the things The Knot tells you you are missing out on. Although sticking to a strict wedding budget sure helped!

  • I felt the same way about my wedding planning. I was engaged for 2.5 years and didn’t really start the planning until less than a year in advance. Everything went smoothly from what I remember. No stressed out bride here. Now that we’re expecting a baby in September, I am feeling the same way about getting prepared for that haha. I have literally done nothing except buy a few clothes, a diaper bag, pinned nursery ideas on pinterest, and research cribs and strollers. I’m pretty sure I’m about as laid back as you can get when it comes to planning big things.

  • I feel like it just has a lot to do with the type of wedding you want. I was only engaged 6 months. I knew I wanted something small and simple, so I also didn’t feel like there was a lot to be stressed about once we got things booked. I would say my mom was more the stresser, but that’s because she cares a little more about what people think.

  • I wasn’t stressed either. We did all the big stuff early on and it definitely felt like we got so much done and then just waited. We were still doing small things, but mostly there wasn’t a ton to do. We also were engage a long time, so maybe that helped? If you need inspiration for writing your ceremony, let me know. We wrote ours and I have it all written out (with vows included) if you want it.

  • You sound just like me planning ours. I was more stressed over the fact that it was my last semester of school! My mom would ask about flowers or table cloths, and I’d just go “sure!” I really didn’t care. Why do the table cloths matter? Pick a flower, put it in a vase, ta da! You seem to have the right goals in mind when you think about your wedding: your future husband, your marriage, and the memories you’ll make on that wedding day with friends and family. It’s all that matters!

  • I love this! It’s ok to not be stressed out. Do you have a dress, and photographer, a venue, cake, maybe food and a groom? You should be good! Oh and a veil 😉 There really isn’t much of a right and wrong. if you end the day married, you won! 🙂

  • Jae

    I wish I could tell the same, looking back at the time of our wedding preparations. I became a bridezilla, mostly because we were thousands of miles apart during the planning stage. I commend you for being a bridechilla, though! 😉

  • I wasn’t stressed until about a month before. I wish I could remember what I was stressed about but it happened. It only lasted for two weeks when I got to the stage of F it! Everyone is fed and clothed, that’s all that matters.

    Don’t worry about not being stressed. I’m sure you haven’t forgotten anything, thanks to all those lists on the internet!

  • Kelly

    No, you’re not doing it wrong. I had the same fears because everyone tells you how stressful it is. It’s stressful if you choose to be stressed over it. Maybe this is super judgy of me but I feel like people who get truly stressed over a wedding will have a hard go at life in general.
    :-/ Law school was stressful. Studying for the bar exam was stressful. Choosing my centerpieces was not. I have such fond memories of wedding planning and my wedding because I didn’t ruin it for myself by flipping the F out. I have watched plenty of people do just that and taint the whole process. It’s so not worth it.

  • Now that’s the way to plan a wedding. My sister was really relaxed with hers and she enjoyed it so much more. She did forget to do the programs until 3 days before and the seating chart sign until the day before… unfortunately for me, it was just passed along as MOH duties, but they turned out fine and the guests didn’t even notice.

  • Katie

    Good for you! I definitely think its a personality thing. I was super stressed about mine, but my main stress was pressure to have a wedding meet certain criterias, while me and my husband were NOT willing to pay the incredibly inflated wedding prices for said things! So I spent a lot of time researching vendors, negotiating contracts, etc. I ran it like a business, to get the best bang for my buck(also if you pay vendors up front, you can normally negotiate a 10(ish)% discount, just an FYI, if you have the money on had you might be saving just paying now). I bet it wouldn’t be stressful for me if I was throwing money around or had a planner(not saying that’s what non-stressed brides do) but limited finances with large invite lists, and opinionated family members make it a bit more challenging.

  • I stopped reading their checklist after the first or second month of being engaged. I don’t want half the stuff on their list so it go old. My chicken scratch to do lists are working just fine for me.

  • Rachel Jones

    I am right there with you. Granted, my wedding is a whole two years away due to my schooling, but I keep feeling like I’m missing something yet at the same time have it all pretty prepared. I am really hoping I continue on with this attitude because I am quite okay with it. It probably helps the my future sister-in-law is in wedding planning mode and her anxiety encourages me to not react like she does.

  • It’s great that you’re not stressed! Our engagement was almost 2 years long, and once we locked down the big stuff (venue, dress, menu, DJ, etc) the rest was… fun? I really liked picking out our flowers and our cake (our friend made it) and our invitations. Now, I’m a ridiculously high-strung person, and we had a fair bit of family drama (yay for two sets of divorced parents!) so I did freak out a lot. That being said, we wrote our vows on the Friday before our Sunday-afternoon wedding. I forgot to buy a glass for the glass-breaking, but one of my best friends went to Target and picked one up the day before the ceremony. Other than that, I don’t think I forgot anything, haha.

    I think ignoring The Knot is probably a great idea. Also, I was seriously skeptical that I would not be a crazed disaster the weekend of our wedding, but by Saturday morning, I was all wedding-zen. So, all that to say? If you don’t freak out, that’s awesome. Roll with it, and enjoy the engaged-state! 🙂

  • Kait

    Our engagement was 18 months and I felt the same way until the week before, but that was probably because I planned everything from over 5,000 miles away (living in Hawaii, wedding in PA–NOT RECOMMENDED!!). Other than that, just know that all that matters at the end of the day is that you’re married and you executed the day the way you both wanted 🙂

  • I think you are totally on top of your game, yay!

  • I felt the same way you do! My engagement was 3 1/2 months and it really wasn’t that stressful. It was actually very calm and it was a big wedding too. My mom was a huge help and I felt the same way like “there should be something I should be doing” but there wasn’t! At the end, like the day before, I realized I had a million things to do, and that’s what bridesmaids are for. To help with those emergencies. My only regret is I didn’t pick my lip color. I just got to the venue to take pictures and said “ummmm mom can I have some lipstick?” Because we are the same shade and I always like how I look in whatever shade she has but I wish I had a really dark red lipstick for my wedding day. That is my only regret. And that my husband had shaved on our wedding day.

  • Rachel Lynn

    Don’t worry you’re doing it right! Our engagement was 18 months and I loved wedding planning! I didn’t think it was stressful at all! I wouldn’t necessarily say I would gladly do it again (I mean it is kind of a pain making decisions) but it definitely wasn’t a big overwhelming stress! You’re doing it you’re way- and that’s the best way!

  • mandycat

    Brides-to-be: Do your wedding guests a favor and, we’re begging you, do not write your own vows. We’ve endured home cooked vows that were not only gag worthy but felt as though they lasted longer than the subsequent marriage. This is supposed to be a ceremony, not your opportunity to make up for losing the star role in your senior play.

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