This Looks Bad On Me

This is what I wore yesterday. I sauntered around all day, thinking I looked pretty put together. I was proud of myself. I was confident. So when N came home, I dragged him outside for a photo or two (or 200). Spring is here! The sun stays up long enough to capture the occasional outfit photo in flattering lighting! Excited about having something fairly easy to post today (at the time, I just wasn’t in the write a novel of a blog post type mood), we came inside.

the unflattering photo

Post dinner, I unloaded my SD card onto my computer. Ready to see something almost fashion blogger worthy (in the low-budget, regular girl kind of way), what stared back at me was, um, disheartening. Yeah, we’ll go with that. Disheartening.

You see, I have this polka dot top that I feel oh-so-trendy in. It’s made of that popular but gross polyester material that Forever 21 basically bleeds. That stuff that makes me sweat like it’s mid-July no matter what time of year it is (overshare? don’t care). You know the stuff I’m talking about. So anyway, I always thought this top looked decent on me. That was, until I saw this photo (and the 174 other full body shots that I forced N to suffer through).

I look positively….pregnant.

This top is so ridiculously unflattering that it shocks me that it’s taken me so long to notice. And I’d venture to say that plenty of my clothes are like this. Like many of us, I get caught up in the trends and what’s popular and completely forget what looks good on my body. Under that flowy top, I don’t look pregnant (well, except after splitting a large pizza with N). I mean, take my word for that. Or don’t.

What I learned is this: I need someone brutally honest to clothes shop with me. I need an occasional “that top adds 10 pounds” or “you look skinny in that” or “the tiny pockets on those jeans are weirdly high up and are doing terrible things to your rear end”. God bless N but the guy is too nice. I get a whole bunch of “you look beautiful no matter what”s, to which I roll my eyes while my heart smiles. He is sweet but he is not helpful.

It also occurred to me that some trends should just be ignored. Sometimes you just have to look a trend in the face and say “hell no, that would look effing terrible on me.” Some trends are easy to push aside. The first time I saw a crop top in a store, I had a good chuckle while the Lizzie McGuire cartoon character on my shoulder sassed “ohhhh hellll no”. It’s the sneaky, seemingly universal trends like the flowy, crappy polyester tops that trick us. Screw you Lauren Conrad (who made this monstrosity). Who am I kidding? I’ll be back at Kohl’s next time we get another 20% off in the mail.

I don’t know where I’m going with this but just know that if you want to see how you really look in something, pretend to be a fashion blogger for 10 minutes. I’m a jeans and t-shirts kind of girl. Maybe I should find a really well cut t-shirt and stick to that. Maybe even *gasp* learn how to accessorize.

Welp, at least my hair looked decent. And hey, if you are pregnant, here’s an outfit idea!

I think that’s my cue to go.

Wavy Bob Hairstyle

p.s. Note to Self: If you are going to pretend to be a fashion blogger, It’d be good to not be covered in dog hair in your photos, Nadine. Get it together.


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