24 Things I Learned in College (But Not in the Classroom)


Right about now, thousands of college grads are set to pour out into the world, feeling hopeful and free. Sure, they’ll be crushed with the utter brutality of reality (what?! you have to pay back all those student loans!?), but let’s not tell them that. Around this time I like to reminisce about those magical four years. And that’s when I realize that I learned 817% more outside the classroom than I ever learned in one.

Keepin' it classy
Keepin’ it classy

1. Your network is more important than your major.

2. Being in a sorority was an investment.

3. The textbooks of today are the juicers of your future. Both are items you know you should buy and intend to use. Both will sit and collect dust. Save your money.

4. You shouldn’t wait until you’re two drinks in to do your eye makeup. You weren’t that good at eyeliner to begin with.

5. The stupid things you do will scare you later when you think about how stupid they are. I’ll elaborate – Jumping from the roof of one houseboat to another roof of a houseboat while in the middle of Lake Shasta is a terrible idea and you will have PTSD about it for years.

6. Do not eat salad before taking shots. The alcohol is making you fat anyways. You may as well eat bread.

7. Platinum blonde is not for everyone.

8. Chicks before dicks. And the frat boys will be dicks.

9. There are two types of people. People who will pee in public and people who won’t. You won’t. Keep it classy.

10. Never let high people (i.e. your roommate) try to deep fry anything. Kitchen fires are no joke.

11. Going on a random adventure with your bestie is always a good idea. Whether it’s to Target or Texas.

12. On that note, bouncers in other states don’t know what real ID’s look like. 20-year-old Nadine and Kaylin loved Austin.

13. If a guy who has a girlfriend starts texting you, when you are later his girlfriend he will be texting other girls. Don’t be a dumbass.

14. You will nearly always pick the wrong guy (until you pick the right one). That is your own choice. Learn from it. And don’t be mad when other people don’t feel bad that you get your heart crushed.

15. Having a code word with your roommate for when a guy is talking to you at a bar and you want him to leave you alone is a great idea. Except it’s not when you pick a super obvious, random word. Avocado.

16. You will discover the epic gloriousness that is Brunch and it will be your favorite meal from college until forever. Hollandaise sauce on everything!

17. If you order a pizza while you are still out (but planning on leaving semi-soon), you will arrive at home at almost the exact same time as the pizza. This move was invited by my roommate and I still think she is beyond brilliant for it.

18. Lots of girls have eating issues. You aren’t one of them but be sensitive to those who do.

19. If you spend $50 on a formal dress and blow your grocery budget, that’s your own fault. Put down the credit card.

20. You can’t sorority squat and skinny arm at the same time. Trust me on that one.

21. You have the rest of your life to be in bars. Enjoy frat houses while you can. The beer is free!

22. Studying abroad gives you major FOMO but you’ll never once regret it.

23. Saying you’re pre-med sounds great but not when everyone else is too. Not everyone can be a doctor. You can’t.

24. It is completely possible to write a 14 page paper the night before it’s due in a matter of hours. You will really perfect your procrastination in college and it will be a life-long skill/bad habit.

Feeling a little nostalgic? Here are 10 things college kids just don’t get.

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