The Things You Shouldn’t Say to Your Boyfriend

The beau inevitably falls asleep before I do. And when he does, I occasionally look over at him. In a loving way, of course. But then I catch a glimpse of his long, black eyelashes and I can feel it happening. I start to hate him just a little. 

Because even in his sleep, his eyelashes are 100 times more divine than mine will ever be. He literally has multiple rows, Elizabeth Taylor style. That feeling fades when I realize that our future daughter could have those. 

These are the kinds of stories that you just don’t tell your boyfriend
Only I did. Because I always do. 

I’m constantly guilty of word vomit. Some things you just need to keep to your dang self! I need to learn that. But living together just opened to floodgates and now I’m that girlfriend who overshares.

Here are some other “dont’s” that I most definitely “do”:

Never point out the fact that you tell the dog “I love you” literally 27 times a day while he gets maybe 3 or 4. Just don’t say a word about it and hope he doesn’t notice.

Never let him hear you singing a variation of the Thong Song to the dog, while replacing the word Thong with the word Kong. Just don’t. 

That Kong-Ka-Kong-Kong-Kong

Since we’re on the topic of dogs, there is absolutely no need to respond to anything that your boyfriend might say to the dog, as the dog. For instance:

Nav: “Come on, Arch. Let’s get ready for bed. We’re going outside.”
Nadine as Archie: “No, Dad. I’s comfortable right where I is. I yuv my Momma and I’s staying wif her.”

He pretends to find this endearing. But is it? Um, no. Direct quote from Nav: “Since getting a dog you talk in a baby voice a lot more than I thought you would.”

Um, yeah, sorry about that. Only I’m probably not going to stop.

Just as it isn’t endearing when I go into elaborate detail about my love for dry shampoo and why I don’t need to wash my hair everyday. Or when I when I ponder aloud to myself what underwear is appropriate to wear under work out leggings (the ultimate unanswered question. email me if you have figured this out). Or when I start the 20th conversation about what to wear to his friends wedding next month. 

So what can we surmise from this mostly pointless post? Our dog is ruining our relationship making things more interesting. And my boyfriend is my best friend. But clearly I need more girl friends. 

Speaking of girl friends, it’s my pleasure to introduce you to Kendahl from As Told By Kendahl.

First of all, how puurrdy is this lady? She sent me this pic to use and I was like, damn girl! Kendahl is one of my faves because she’s great at making poignant observations about life. 

Example: Last week she wrote a psudo rant where she mentioned that her man sometimes just leaves used paper towels on the counter. And I kid you not, I caught Nav doing it that very same day. Come to realize, he does it all the time! Kendahl, I have no idea how I didn’t notice that before but now it drives me nuts.

Kendahl admits that she uses abbrevs in real life conversation, is addicted to tv, and she too talks to her dog like he’s a real human baby (see? It’s normal!). You can also check her out with nearly ever hair color in this post, while also reading a moving, honest, and hopeful letter to her 17 year old self. And I think those three words are a great way to describe Kendahl herself. So head over to As Told By Kendahl and check her out!

And lastly, a little surprise for you. $50 Visa Gift Card, anyone? 

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