The Panic and the Plane Ticket

Yesterday morning I was walking in circles in the backyard, waiting for Archie to do his business (and kid was dilly dallying for sure). The longer he took, the more I just knew I would be late for work.

I was thinking too much, missing Kaylin, and in about 30 seconds flat I went from a little off to completely losing it. The more my mind raced, the more I wanted to scream, run, drink too much, travel, get away, and most importantly, be young.

Who is this person I have become? I’m so normal. Not a compliment in my book. My Monday’s thru Friday’s all look the same. I watch too much TV. We walk the dog, cook dinner, sit on the couch. And while 98% of the time I’m truly a happy person, in that moment I looked around and was just so bored. And I hated myself for it.

What happens when your life is the opposite of spinning out of control? It’s too in control. I’ve made too many responsible decisions. I rarely let my impulses take over, despite being an innately impulsive person.

For the first time in my life, the panic attack had nothing to do with the plane. Naturally I did what any girl would do mid-meltdown: called my bestie. Homegirl talked me off the ledge but couldn’t stop my from showing my truly impulsive colors.

Three years after leaving, I bought a plane ticket to California.

On a whim. On a random Wednesday. For no reason but the fact that I needed to, right in that moment.

I even went all out and got a direct flight. Based on the news recently and the fact that I’m flying into San Francisco, I’m gonna go ahead and pat myself on the back for being so brave. We all know flying is not my favorite.

Once I’m safely landed, I’m going to do the following things in the following order:

1. Hug Kaylin and cry, jump up and down, and cry some more
2. Report directly to In-n-Out Burger and eat *gasp* meat for the first time in a year and a half. I have said from the very beginning of my vegetarianism that if I went back to California I’d eat In-n-Out. It’s too good for guilt.
3. Rage. Rage some more. Be young. Be stupid.

And I. Cannot. Wait.

Until then I’ll just be in a competition with myself to see how soon Naveed wants to kill me for singing The O.C. theme song at the top of my lungs.


Today it’s my pleasure to re-introduce you to Sara from Pearls and Curls. Sara was just talking about how she might be having a quarter life crisis so I feel like we’re in the same boat this week. She’s a ESFJ which explains why she’s got so many friends in the blog world. Extrovert, anyone? She was even brave enough to share with us the time that she flew off the end of the treadmill. Yes, that really happened.

If you haven’t entered the cash money giveaway she’s having with a couple of my other favorites (Venus included), you should. Or actually, you shouldn’t. Because I’m gonna need to win to be able to live it up in SF. You can read more about Sara or check her out on Bloglovin or say hi on Twitter.

  • yay!! good for you. it sounds like you could use a little break (couldn’t we all sometimes??). if you happen to rage in san francisco… do let me know 🙂

  • So weird. I had a huge meltdown last night and J just looked at me and said “do you wanna go to California?” he knew. I knew. I wanted my mom and I wanted In n Out. I miss it too much.

  • GO YOU for doing something spontaneous. I am in the middle of a meltdown myself… too much going on around me that I can’t control!

  • Yay friend vacation! Have an awesome time. And yeah, the mundane-ness of adulthood SUCKS.

  • rage your little heart out!!! and yes I worry about the normalcy in my life too much sometimes too. I am boring- most of the time. and i don’t like it/

  • Woohoo! Have a blast and a half. Kudos to you for adding a little spontaneity into the mix. I so need to do that, because I have been feeling pretty boring myself lately, but spontaneity is kind of hard when you have a kid under age 1. :/

  • You’re going to have such a great trip! I wish I could be so spontaneous! I probably should since my life has been a little too boring lately.

  • I’m excited for you! It’s good to let loose 🙂

  • ahahahaha eat all the in-n-out! i think this is fantastic for you 🙂

  • I did the exact same thing last month! Nonstop to LAX in October, and In-N-Out is at the top of my to-do list.

  • I’m excited for you!! I’ve always wanted to try an In-N-Out burger! I hope you have an amazing time 😀

  • Good for you! I would love to do something like that on a whim!

  • I think doing things on a whim is completely normal! & healthy! Sometimes life does get too mundane & a little boring…..

  • That is so exciting, I hope you have an amazing time!!!! And…I have never had an in-out burger…and now that I am knocked up I want to try…and I see pics all over instagram and drool almost instantly. Sigh! LOL I hope you are feeling better and hope you have a great time on your trip!

    xo Dinah @ Sunshine super glam

  • YES!! You GO GIRL!!!
    I just love this so, so much. Maybe it’s my wild, spontaneous nature, but this is what living is all about to me!

    I can’t wait to follow along on your trip.

  • Aw how fun! Everyone deserves some spontaneity. 🙂

  • Girrrrrrrl I am jealous! I am in need on an in-n-out like whoa. And seriously nothing takes me back like the OC theme. Californiaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

  • WOOO GO GIRL GO! So jealous of you right now. Great decision.

  • fabulous choice. cant wait to read about it.

    and your gorgeous (love that picture).

  • Sometimes you get a feeling and you just have to go with it. NRN (p.s. this is brilliant for someone who gets a million comments… not me.) 🙂

  • You just did something I have always wanted to do. Just randomly buy a plane ticket. High five for doing something good for your soul. I hope you have an amazing time!

  • Good for you! I have that same panic attack about once a month 😉

  • Yay for a visit to CA and your BFF! Sounds like it is just what you need. Have the best time!!!!

  • I’ve flown to California three times and every time I make sure the OC theme song is on my playlist of the moment. I’m flying to North Carolina next week and I’ll be putting Carolina by Matt Wertz on my playlist. It’s always good to have a song about the state you’re going to, duh.

  • I feel the same way with my life. It’s pretty boring at the moment. Have fun and have a safe flight!

    Life of Mabel

  • Oh wow, I felt like I was reading about myself 🙂 Excited for you, girl!

  • Oh, I’m so glad you included the O.C. theme song. The last time I was in SF, I was with a bunch of friends, and as we were driving the 101, I made sure that song was playing! 🙂 Have fun! Hope you get to walk Golden Gate! 🙂

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  • That’s me every other month. I book flights to Vegas like it’s nobody’s business. Thank God for friends who understand my need to escape and are on board to take spontaneous vacation trips. Have fun in California! I will be there next weekend! 🙂

  • A couple of months ago, I really and truly thought I coined the term “quarter-life crisis”. I left a great paying job on a whim and moved to a new city. Everyone thought I was either crazy or depressed. I was neither. I just had to get out and go somewhere new! Enjoy your vacation. Don’t forget to have fun… I think that is well deserved.

  • tell California hello for me!

    Also, in-n-out has delicious grilled cheese sammies … just saying 😉

  • I very very rarely eat red meat, but I always make an exception for In-N-Out… it’s just too good to feel guilty about. And regarding the panic about being too responsible? I just turned 30 and still have moments where I freak out that I wasted my 20s making the right decisions instead of doing all the crazy young impulsive things I thought I would do. But then I look at people that are my age or older and still doing really awesome impulsive things, and I realize I’ve still got time 🙂

    And if you’re looking for a great veggie restaurant in SF, check out The Source SF. It’s delicious.

  • Speaking of “The O.C.” theme song, I’m going to an O.C. anniversary party in Williamsburg, Brooklyn tonight where they are screening the first two episodes and doing trivia and some of the cast might show up – I feel like you might understand just how cool it is that that is actually an event that is happening.

  • Hope you enjoy your break

  • New reader but couldn’t agree more with this post. I moved from Connecticut to Seattle WA last year. All my family and best friend is back home. I booked a flight home for July 4th a week before. It was the best decision ever. Best friend time makes everything better!

  • Love the spontaneous trip! Have a great time!

  • Definitely a must do! Have a blasty blast!

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