Nope. Never Gonna Happen.


Sometimes you just know when you’d never. I know. I’d never…

1 . Skydive. If my biggest fear is flying, why on earth would I head up there and then jump out!? I’m anxious just thinking about the next time I have to fly. Let’s not forget about that one time during takeoff when I cried loudly on an airplane “We’re all gonna die,” while sitting next to my Middle-Eastern boyfriend. My bad. I’d like to say I’d never do that again but you know, don’t make promises you can’t keep.

2. Stop being a little bit nervous when I get into an elevator. Cause ya know, I got stuck one time. In Paris. On their biggest national holiday. Cue panic attack.

I’m sensing a heights issue here, no?

3. Eat Gefilte fish, again. Sorry to my many Jewish friends, I can’t stomach the stuff. Learned that the hard way at Passover dinner 2009. But hey, that was the only time we were actually allowed to drink in the sorority house. Good times. Now pass the Manishewitz.

4. Take another Calculus class. Someone might have failed it once and gotten a C- the second time…

5. Choose Pepsi over Coke. We don’t buy soda but I’ll get a mean Coke craving on a hot summer day. Good thing our corner liquor store keeps Mexican Cokes (the kind made with real sugar and sold in a glass bottle) ice-cold all summer long!

Mexican Coke

6. Want a fancy car. I’m just not a car person. Alright, fine. If I won the lottery, I’d buy a Tesla. Realistically, I’ll stick with my ’99 Honda Accord until the day I pop out a kid and get a mini-van. YES. A mini-van. All the movies. All the fun. I can’t wait.

7. Choose a Kindle over a real book. Something about turning the pages. The smell. All of it. Any book I know I’m going to love and want to loan to people (The Fault in Our Stars, for example), I buy the real book version. Anything semi-embarrassing (read: self-help, 50 Shades of Grey, trashy “beach reads”) I read on my Kindle. 

I know they say “never say never” but really, I’d never.


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