Late Night Confessionals

It may not technically be Friday anymore and I may have had a glass of wine but isn’t that just the perfect time to confess a few things?

It is? Good.

I confess…

After over a year of reading applications for financial assistance from families of kids with cancer (over 1,400 applications), I don’t cry anymore. When I first started reading them, I got emotional over them quite frequently. It almost feels like I cut open the same wound over and over and now there is scar tissue. In some ways I wish that it wasn’t like this. But I think that scar tissue might be necessary for self-preservation. Otherwise the idea of so many sick children might just be too overwhelming (it still is, some days). September is Childhood Cancer Awareness Month. 46 children were diagnosed today. Please don’t forget them.

I recently got $320 in bills for my surgery. I don’t want to pay them. Go ahead and cry Socialist but my doctors said it was necessary and I kind of can’t believe that I have to pay that amount of money for something I had to do. Now I feel like a jerk because I know so many families (see above) with much bigger medical bills than mine.

I don’t watch any reality TV. I’m not into it. It’s crap. I’ll take the fabulously well-written sitcom any day.

I have a good amount of trendy clothing that I never wear. Each morning I inevitably reach for a simple t-shirt, jeans, and sandals. It’s what I wore yesterday and it’s what I’m wearing now. I have at least 10 statement necklaces and I wear the same necklace every day.

I can’t decide if I’m a city girl or a country girl and part of me hates the thought that I could just be a suburbs girl. With the windows down, listening to country music, I could swear it sounds like a good idea to (someday) buy land in the country and have a little farm. Then minutes later I get bored of my life and fantasize about living in a big city. I can’t decide and I’m scared that I’m destined for suburbia. Then the song plays in my head….”little boxes on the hillside…”

I have not stopped biting my cuticles and probably never will. I’m also considering taking “stop swearing” off of my 30 before 30 list. I could stop. I just don’t want to. So I’ve already quit 2 of my 30X30 goals.

My blog is so separate from my personal life that I get super anxious whenever I find out that someone I know in real life knows about it. And the most random people do, you guys. I hate it.

I don’t know enough about what is going on in Syria and it makes me feel like a bad person. Like I’m ignorant. What I do know is that people are dying. And not a small number of people. Tons of innocent people. I wish someone could tell me what I can be doing to help.

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