I Categorize You

People don’t like to be categorized. They just don’t. You know the second someone puts you in a category you’re going to be all, “ohemmgee I’m sooo much more than that.” We get it. You’re a multidimentional person. You like sports AND glitter (Sarah). You’re a Mom AND you’re into fitness. You’ve got a passion for fashion AND you live abroad. 

Some of you are playing for two teams. Or three! You’re a mama, a mormon AND a fitness freak? You overachiever, you. 

No one likes to be categorized. But admit (at least to yourself) that you do this in your head too. Hell you’ve probably got blogs placed in categories on your Bloglovin (if you are organized, unlike me). Here’s how the cookies (blogs) crumble in my head.
The Mommas
If 87% or more of your blog posts are about your kid, congratulations, you’re a mommy blogger. 
Want to see 8,000 pictures of cute babies while learning way more than you ever wanted to know about breastfeeding, boppies, formula ingredients, pregnancy pillows,  sleep schedules, and [oh gawd] birth? You’re in luck cause there are thousands of mama’s out there to tell you straight up. 
p.s. I maybe made up the word boppie? Or is that a thing?
And people, it can be horrifying. I love/hate reading birth stories because every time there is something else I learn and I’m like THAT HAPPENS?! How did I get this far in life without knowing that? Blame my poor school district and their pathetic excuse for a “human living” class (i.e. sex ed).  

The Fashionistas
Psssstttt. I’m a little intimidated by you [shifty eyes]. With the exception of a few budget conscious ladies, I’m always dumbfounded as to how people afford all these clothes (so many name brands!)! Are you saving for retirement? Is your husband making a gagillion dollars? I’m confused, envious, and also, a copycat. I basically never have an original fashion idea. I’m totally dependent on these ladies to guide me. Shameless plug: Enter to win a $15 gift card from moi on one of my very favorite fashion blogs!
The Mormons
The queen bees of the blog world? I’ve talked about them before. Somehow they seem like their having a good time and they’re always nice to me, despite the fact that before 9am I’ve broken their rules at least twice (hello, Keurig). You’ll never see them hosting a Vino2Go giveaway or accidentally drunk tweeting but hey, they seem to give pretty solid marriage advice. I can get on board with that. 

The Christians
You know the blogger. They’ve got Jesus in their about me blurb. They want you to know it and there’s a good chance they’ll drop a proverb or two occasionally. They capitalize He, Him, God, Jesus, and other words you certainly didn’t realize needed to be capitalized. I can say I’ve learned 200X more about actual Christianity since becoming a blogger than I knew the entire time I grew up in my cafeteria Catholic family. 
The Funnies
My favorite category. The category I aspire to be in. The bloggers who make me laugh out loud inappropriately at my desk at work. Who have caused me to snarf my coffee on more than one occasion. And the group I desperately wish I could get drinks with in real life. I could go on and on about my love for The Daily Tay, Stay Blonde Ski Local, Hang on HoneyHelene in Between, High Cotton Blog, Venus Trapped in Mars, and I Wore Yoga Pants. But I won’t, because you probably have a girl crush on them too.

The Foodies
I like to call this category “blogs that make me hungry.” I always consider making their recipes but then change my mind when I see that there are more than 3 ingredients. Still, thanks to you all for putting food porn out there in the interwebs so we can all drool at our desks at work. Actually no, screw you. Come to my house and cook it for me and quit with this torture nonsense. 
The Fitness Freaks
The guilt, oh the guilt. And the SHAME! Reading fitness blogs is my favorite way of pretending I’m going to be healthy while also feeling guilty for not being healthy. Things you will hear fitness bloggers say: Paleo. Running is fun. Green Smoothie. Cleanse. Juicing. Things you will not hear me say: Paleo. Running is fun. Green Smoothie. Cleanse. Juicing. 


That’s a lie. I did a cleanse once. But I quit half way through.
The Adventurers
We’ve got a ton of world travelers in our midst, don’t we? Sometimes I feel boring for just wanting to stay here and live in the US of A. Except tomorrow when we get to get pumped on America and feel shamelessly star spangled awesome about it. I’m envious of the travelers that they always have something exciting to write about, tons of interesting stuff to take pictures of, and oh yeah, they get to see the world. 

Proof I was once an adventurer myself. Hello, Paris!

The Twenty-Somethings
We’re the winos, the live-in boyfriender havers, and the shenanigan creators of the blog world (if you don’t count the two-year olds of all the mommy bloggers). I say “we” because I’m certain that I fall into this category. Sure, we’ve got some marrieds among us (I’m looking at you Lisette and Helene). But lifestyle wise, it seems we’re pretty similar. There are a lot of twenty-somethings among us so I’m calling this the biggest crossover category. Some might say we’re living in the past but I prefer to say that we’re still working on the whole grown up thing. It’s overrated anyway.
The Pet Obsessors
We are obsessed with our animals. That’s why I know all about Kaylin’s Zoey girl, Lindley’s Morgan, Callie’s McCoy, and Jackie’s Bowie and Rosie, just to name a few. And of course if you’re here you already know about my sweet angel muffin Archie. True life: I actually call him that. It embarrasses him in front of his friends but I just can’t stop myself. 

That’s cool, kid. I didn’t need my pillow.

So there you have it. My mental blog categories. Pretend like you are undefinable. Go ahead. Aren’t we all, a little? But I’m a pet obsessed twenty-something and I’m not ashamed to admit it. 
Now excuse me, I have to go have a melt down because my iPhone just informed me that I’m out of storage space and I have to decide which of the 3,000 pictures of Archie and my wine glass that I have to delete to make more room for more pictures of Archie and my wine glass. 

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