How To Look Like You Have Your Shit Together

We’ve all met that person. 
The person who is in their 20’s and seems to just have it all together.
I am not that person.
You might not be either.
 

 
What is it that makes them seem so grown up?
Do they have it all figured out?
Hell no.
 
They don’t. If they think they do, they’re lying to themselves.
But they look like they do.
I would bet that I come off as one of those people 90% of the time in real life.
To those who don’t really know me and even some who do.
 
Here’s how to pretend to be one of those people,
you little poser, you:
 
1. Have a planner. And hey, while you’re at it, try to keep yourself in check regarding the cover. Your planner should not look like a unicorn farted on it. So get that colorful planner and use it for your blog. Or your life. But don’t whip it out in front of anyone who gives input on your yearly raise.
 
 

Left: Yes, Right: No. Also, backwards?

2. A breath mint will not erase those 5 beers you just drank. It amazes me how many college kids think this will work. I encountered this one recently and pondered my former stupidity. File this under: how to smell irresponsible. 
 
3. Tuck your shirt in. While you’re at it, wear a watch. And throw on some glasses if you got ’em. The deadly combo of grown up looks.
 
4. Get involved with any organization that people take seriously. For instance, I’m an advisor for a collegiate chapter of Delta Gamma. How effing grown up do I sound? Little do they know, I’m desperately jealous of their every cocktail, formal, and greek week.
 
5. Get a dog and then treat it like your child. I’m not saying people will take you seriously, but having a dog does kind of say “I’m settled and responsible.”
 
 

He was just keeping up with the Kardashians this weekend.

6. Replace the term “boyfriend” with “significant other.” I personally venture so far as to say “partner” on occasion. What? We’re raising a dog child together!
 
7. Try to keep some awareness of what’s going on in the world. I get my news the best way: twitter. It just so happens that most of the people I follow on twitter (hey other bloggers!) don’t tweet much about world happenings. As a result, when my boss casually asks me about some news story, I’m clueless. 
 

Help yourself out and scan cnn.com so you can have a vague conversation about Kim Jong Un or “the situation” in Israel/Palestine (ahem, not the Jersey shore).
 
8. Keep your kindle on you to read in moments of downtime. Waiting for the train? Sitting in the doctors office waiting room? Kindle. Playing on your phone says “I’m tweeting.” Reading your kindle says “I’m an intellectual.”Just don’t tell them you’re reading Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me.
 
9. Have a work bag. Work bags are the new school briefcase. They scream “grown up”. Do not, under any circumstances, have duct tape on said bag. It undermines the professionalism.
 
 

What? I didn’t say I take my own advice.

 
10. Get business cards. I can’t tell you how weird it feels to give someone my card. I feel like mine says:
 

 
Actually says: Program Director. That ish cray.
 
I think this is just the mental feeling of your twenties. Life is changing fast and slow at the same time. But maybe it’s a life long thing. Maybe we never have it figured out. I don’t know that I’ll ever feel like a grown up. I’m hoping that’s a good thing.
 
How do you fake it?
What’s your “I’m a grown up” move?
Do tell, because I need something to counteract that duct tape.
 

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