Goals I Have A 0% Chance of Achieving


Like I said before, I’m not making New Year’s Resolutions and you shouldn’t either. But if I was going to make completely outlandish goals that I have zero chance of following through with, here’s what they’d be.


1. Try to tell N that you love him as often as you tell Archie. You average about 100x a day. On second thought, maybe don’t. You might scare him off.

2. Your refrigerator is not an expired products holder. Donate any current tupperware containers to the closest 7th grade science class and for the love of God, clean your fridge.

3. Do not talk to your boyfriend about any of the following: weddings, engagements, round cut 4 prong Tiffany setting diamond rings, anything you saw on Pinterest, or how drinking too much coffee makes your stomach feel.

4. Stop biting your cuticles. No one wants to shake your hand when you are constantly a germy, bleeding mess. You paused after you typed that last sentence to get a little gnawing action in. RIP thumb skin.

5. You are 25. Adding sour cream to Kraft Mac and Cheese cannot be your “signature” recipe. Get one.

6. Pizza should not make up 45% of your diet, as it did in 2013. That being said, this is the resolution you have the slimmest chance of achieving.

7. Go to the gym every….hahaha couldn’t even finish typing that one.

8. Do not ugly cry over anything related to Kaylin’s wedding again. She gets it. You’re happy for her. Nobody wants to see all that.

9. Stop sleeping like a contortionist in bed at night to accommodate Archie. Keep in mind what others like to remind you of: he is a dog, after all. Not a human child.

So really, those are the changes I should consider making in my life. But like I said, I’m not making resolutions.

Linking up with Treasure Tromp

  • Haha I totally need to work on #3 too! Oops. Good luck with your non-goals!

    • Nadine

      I’m an oversharer. What can I say? haha

  • 3 & 6 are all me as well. Good luck to your fingers for 2014, this was me last year and I FINALLY have my nails looking nice again!

    • Nadine

      Impressive! How did you stop? I need to just buy that bitter nail polish but somehow I don’t think that would stop me either.

  • Jessa

    I am so guilty of #9. Heisman controls our bed. I don’t have the heart to move him in the middle of the night.

    • Nadine

      N sleeps more to the middle than on his side. Then Archie sleeps next to him, right in the middle, and I have about 20% of the bed on the very edge. It’s terrible.

  • I need to work on #9. bowie is 22 lbs and somehow he seems to slowly push me off the bed every night AND steal all the covers. damn dog children.

    • Nadine

      Archie is so cute that I just can’t move him. He has absolutely no idea that he isn’t supposed to have his head on my pillow. Actually, he really has no idea that he is actually a dog.

  • Ha! I feel like almost all of these describe me perfectly. I totally tell Bandit I love him more than I do to people. But he doesn’t get freaked out by it!

    • Nadine

      Oh I definitely like Archie better than most people. Plus, he basically thinks I’m the coolest and that does good things for the ego.

      • It’s true. Also- Bandit is always up for cuddling. Who doesn’t love that?

  • but but, pizza is soooo good. and yeah the gym thing, i don’t like to make promises i can’t keep!

    • Nadine

      We actually eat it like 3+ times a week. It’s only $10 for a large from our local pizza shop and it lasts for a dinner and lunch the next day. I like to pretend it’s a good financial choice.

  • You are literally one of my favorite bloggers to read!
    haha.. and good luck with all that. 😉

    • Nadine

      Well thank you! I’m blushing over here.

  • I’m totally guilty of #3 and #6. The former I’m willing to change. The latter, not so much. I consider pizza one of the main food groups 🙂

    • Nadine

      People are guilty of #3 wayy more than they’d like to admit. If someone has been dating a guy for over a year, you know they’ve hinted around about marriage or wondered about getting engaged.

  • #5 I am still laughing! I have never tried that but I’m intrigued now…where did you learn this recipe from? I tried to expand upon my cooking skills and made Mark short ribs….my condo 5 days later still smells like it…I think I’ll stick with my same 5 recipes 🙂 Love this list!

    • Nadine

      It makes it heavenly. Try it. I did it once because I was out of milk and added what I had in the fridge. Now I make it like that every time.

  • Hahaha the end of #3. I am such an over sharer….

    • Nadine

      One of the reasons that living together sucks: he knows exactly how much time you spent in the bathroom and can make assumptions from there about what was going on. I hate it.

  • The eating pizza so much is the truth. But I like pizza, so why would I stop eating it?

    • Nadine

      Exactly. I have zero motivation to stop and I basically couldn’t if I wanted to. Pizza is my drug of choice.

  • Oh, number 9. I spend several days a week laying on a heating pad nursing a sore back that I’m 99% sure is due to the insane positioning I do to share a bed with my husband, a 65 pound lab and 20 pound cat but am just not ready to admit that and kick the animals out of the bed.

    • Nadine

      Oh of course not. They are your babies! It literally breaks my heart to even shift Archie over a bit in bed. He lets out this big sigh and the guilt overwhelms me.

  • I like this. A realistic list of resolutions and expectations. I mean, if miracles happen and you do achieve one, then it’s all just awesome bonus in your life! 🙂

    • Nadine

      There is no shame in liking life as it is. I’d like to stop biting my cuticles but then what would I do when I was nervous or bored or just generally had nothing to do with my hands? haha

  • haha, i’m 24 and i don’t have any signature dishes. don’t think it will happen soon either. and by soon i mean like 10 years

    • Nadine

      Someday, we’ll have one. Just not any time soon 🙂

  • But pizza contains all elements of the food pyramid so…. it’s practically a health food, right? x

    • Nadine

      I like what you did there. No shame.

  • Number 3 needs to be on my list of resolutions as well. I think my boyfriend is starting to hate me.

  • I love #1, totally guilty of that!

  • This is my first time on your blog and I love it! This list is great! And I actually have to agree with every single one of these. So glad I found your blog! Take a look at Boarding Together.

    • Nadine

      Glad you found me. Thanks for stopping by. I’m so glad you liked it!

  • Love these! Hahah, they’re perfect because you really CAN achieve these! At least now that you’ve put them into the universe it’ll be easier to achieve 😉

  • Haha I wake up sore all the time because I don’t want to interrupt the dog or cats sleep.

  • going through our tupperwear is a serious project that should be tackled someday. chris empited our fridge from all our old leftovers and old food last night and we seriously only have condiments and drinks left in our fridge.

    • Nadine

      You have an excuse though! I have no kiddos and really no excuse for being such a slob. It’s actually embarrassing.

  • Mmmmmm pizza… Wait, what were you talking about?

  • Megan

    I think my resolution is a hybrid of #1 and #6 and that is to love anything as much as I love pizza.

    • Nadine

      That could never happen.

  • I’m the same way about our refrigerator back at school. I’m lucky if I find something that’s even safe to eat!

    xoxo, Lizzy

  • So spot on hahaha

  • But seriously, why can’t I stop with the damn cuticle biting?

    • Nadine

      I bet if I saw video of myself in public literally eating skin of my fingers, I would be absolutely disgusted. I just. can’t. stop.

  • ha! yes to all of these. especially going to the gym. yup, never going to happen.

    and thanks for linking up with Treat Yo Self Thursday!

  • Ooo, expired items in the fridge – that is a good one!

    Sparkles and Shoes

  • … aaaaaand we are the same person! Cheers to keep on being YOU in 2014! Now I’m going to go make out with my dogs and chew my thumb skin 😉


  • Number 7. Priceless.

  • I have been trying to quit biting my nails and my cuticles since the 3rd grade! I’ve thought about the bitter stuff you put on your nails but I’d just go wash it off. And sour cream, girl, it makes everything better! Let it be your signature! 😉

  • I had to laugh at the refrigerator one especially. I’m the exact OPPOSITE. I will throw shit out a day BEFORE it expires even. Idk why but I’m a complete freak about it!

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