What We Fight About

Sometimes N and I fight. I know, shocking. But the best fights are the ones that are really just extended, intense conversations about our strong feelings about super specific subjects. We have these on road trips a lot.

I’ll give you an example of something we fight about: N and I have an ongoing, hilarious but serious argument about whether or not video games are good for children and whether or not our children will be allowed to play video games. You know, we fight over details about the kids we are years away from having. Makes sense.

video games

N played video games his entire childhood. Lots of them. His immigrant parents did not really understand the rating system of video games and movies and therefore both N and his brother watched lots of things I was definitely not allowed to watch (like 80’s Jean Claude Van Dam movies). His argument is that video games helped him develop critical thinking skills and that many video games are like puzzles, which are good for kids.

I on the other hand, watched very little TV and played video games only minimally (think Super Mario Brothers on occasion). You can read more about my childhood deprived of TMNT, power rangers, and army men here.  I feel strongly that this was a good thing and that it contributed to me being the voracious reader that I am today. I also think that if you want a kid to do a puzzle, you give them a freaking puzzle. The cardboard kind. And I’m adamantly against kids playing 1st person shooter games, no matter what research says.

This entire explanation is irrelevant because honestly, we’ll meet somewhere in the middle about this. We’ll carefully monitor every video game they play and with a Dad who understands gaming as much as N does, I’m sure it will all be appropriate. But again, we are years away from making these decisions. We aren’t parents yet. If I know one thing about parenting it’s that you don’t know anything about parenting until you are a parent.

I just always wonder about what other couples disagree about and I thought I’d share. Sometimes we have intense conversations about subjects that are completely irrelevant to our lives now. I think it’s a good thing and whether we agree or not, I kind of love these talks.

What do you and your partner fight about? Do you have theoretical conversations like these?

  • JC

    The kids names… we have wildly different ideas about our future children’s names. Video games is also a big one, and the vacuuming. We both hate it, but our dog sheds, so we need to do it once in a while. Lastly hunting season, I’m always feeling abandoned and unloved by the end of it, since it lands when he has to travel for work a lot too. Every year we say we are going to do this or that differently, but we haven’t figured it out yet, we will eventually i’m sure.

  • Jae

    Loved this, Nadine. My husband and I grew up differently, too. Like you and N, my husband played video games as a kid, and my parents never got us a game console. Never. And we turned out okay.

    This same argument is still ongoing between my husband and I, thought I think the odds are in my favor. 😉

  • Our biggest ongoing “argument” is about me being a stay at home mom. It’s funny because when my husband and I first st dating, he was adamant that I would be – while I was adamant that I wouldn’t. Now the tables have turned and he wants me to keep working and I want to stay at home (I think it’s partially due to the fact that I have a close friend who just became a SAHM and I get to hear her gush over it all the time). Like you said, I’m sure we’ll meet somewhere in the middle with me doing PRN work or working from home. But again, we’re also years away from this decision!

  • Yes! My boyfriend and I argue about things that completely do not affect us all the time. Mostly political stuff like gun control, wars, America’s position in the Middle East, etc. It starts out as an innocent conversation about a story we’re watching on the news and before you know it one of us is like GUNS DON’T KILL PEOPLE, PEOPLE KILL PEOPLE!!!!!!!

  • the boy has very similar views on gaming and i said the same as you. and it just seems a bit inane to me!

  • So funny! My longtime boyfriend and I currently don’t live together and don’t fight all that much, but this is the single argument I’ve been fearing that we’ll have if we ever have kids.

  • My fiance and I talk about things like this all the time! We’re a couple years away from having kids, but we were both brought up very, very differently. My mom was married young and had me at 20 (I’m the oldest of 4) so we basically grew up together, whereas he’s the middle child and his parents had him at an older age.

    He had a somewhat strict upbringing with lots of curfews and expectations whereas my parents trusted me fully as long as I let them know where I was going, who I was with and what we were doing. I remember when we first started dating, I was a senior in high school and he was a freshman in college. We were hanging out and he had to be home by midnight whereas I could come home whenever I wanted to … It’ll be interesting to see how things play out, but like you, I’m sure we’ll meet somewhere right in the middle with a happy middle of the road decision.

  • I am SOOOO with you! I am old school, I played outside, climbed trees, read, built forts, etc. The only time I played video games was babysitting or at a friends house. Andrew always had them growing up and loved it. I’m not sure which way we’ll go when the time comes, but it’d be an interesting conversation for sure!

  • I don’t have a partner to argue these things about yet, thankfully. But I know I’ll be on N’s side of the argument! I grew up playing video games and living on the Internet, seeing things my 10-11 year old self really shouldn’t have been seeing back then. But that’s what made me want to go into computer science. I have a Masters in Information Security and had I not had those experiences of video games and technology?? I’d probably be in another stereotypical female job like a teacher or a nurse (not knocking them, they’re great jobs… but more women need to be in computer science roles).

    I played first person shooters (they’re actually my game genre of choice) and I’m not a serial killer. Kids can play video games, violent ones at that, it just depends on how their parents raise them and frame that content.

    I’m sure when I do find “the one”, he and I will argue about things like what type of school to send our children too and what they should eat, etc etc. 🙂

  • My husband and I have a very similar ongoing “fight” about the same thing! He grew up playing video games and watching a lot of TV, and I did not. Our compromise is that he wants to have our kids play through video games in “historical” order, starting with the very early games like Pac-Man and Super Mario Bros. that don’t involve graphic violence. He doesn’t want to let them move on to the more recent first-person-shooter games until they have played through the older stuff. And he wants to play along with them. I feel like that’s a pretty good compromise, and that is definitely a scenario under which I would let our kids play video games.

  • My boyfriend and I are still a solid 6 years away from actually having to decide what we want to do with our lives and where we want to live due to the fact that we haven’t graduated college yet and we plan to travel together after we graduate, yet we still fight about where we want to live/what we want to do. Most of the time we take a step back and realize how dumb we sound and then we move on 🙂

  • Oh my husband and I argue about which college our kids will attend. in that my husband wants our children to attend his alma mater, and I want the kids to go wherever their little hearts desire. Did I mention we don’t have children yet?

  • My bf and I have similar, well, disagreements. He and his brothers were allowed to watch pretty much whatever they wanted growing up, and he thinks it’s fine for kids to do the same. It started when his little brother (much younger, 14) and I were talking about shows we liked and he brought up both Dexter and Orange is the New Black, both of which I refused to discuss with a 14 year old boy! I felt so old when I was trying to explain that I wasn’t allowed to watch Titanic until my 13th birthday (I was 10 when it came out) because of the boob scene, and even then it was fast forwarded through! I’m like you, I think I turned out better for it. Kids are growing up much faster these days for many reasons, I don’t think we need to make it worse!

  • I think video games can be good in moderation, like anything else. There are lots of good computer games that really make kids use critical thinking skills and teach them things. I just wouldn’t suggest any Call of Duty or Grand Theft Auto! It’s funny because my boyfriend and I just fought about a theoretical child idea earlier this week. Funny that this happens even when you’re not anywhere near having children!

  • We don’t fight, we bicker over silly little things, we have had some fights over the years but they are few and far between. This I put down to the fact my mum told me to never fight with a drunk, to not turn little things into a big fight because what harm does it do to let him think he is right when you know the truth, if a person is convinced they are right arguing is pointless some people will not be able to see things any way other then their way so no point in fighting over it

  • My boyfriend and I got super into it about our future children’s extracurriculars…I wanted them to do music along with sports, he wants them to do just sports. We argued about it for a couple hours! Eventually we decided that we start them in both, and once they’re old enough to make choices, they can chose what they want to do from there. We won’t have kids for another 3-4 years, so it’s ridiculously premature!

  • I don’t think I will ever want children, and Brandon isn’t sure either, yet we have this intense discussions about how hard we will push our future children. I’m not a tiger mom by any means, but I do want our child to try things for at least a year before they quit, because nothing is super fun in the beginning. He doesn’t want to force them to do to much, because he thinks that they will be unhappy. I hated playing the violin for the first 10 months, but everything came together at the end and I became one of the best in our orchestra. If my parents had allowed me to quit, I never would have known that you can be great at something you used to suck at. He was forced to play sports that he really didn’t enjoy for years, and when he quit, he felt like his whole family was disappointed. I’m sure we will meet in the middle, but my gosh, the discussions get heated!

  • katie

    Me and my husband ALWAYS talk about whether or not we want our kids to be able to play video games(the real kicker is neither of us are 100% convinced we want kids!) I grew up rarely playing video games, but one of my brothers played constantly. Me and my other brother have an easier time in social situations and I really think the over doing of screen time was bad for my brother. However, my husband played video games(limited time) coded computers, etc, but this interest grew into his professional career as he is now a software engineer, so he adamantly disagrees with my position. SO we are where you and N are. Maybe we will meet in the middle, or maybe our kids will get their gaming time at friends houses 😛

    We fight about other things too. Mostly chores at the house. I’d prefer a tidy house, he could care less, but I still want a 50/50 split to maintain neat and tidy. It doesn’t help that we live in a fixer upper. Our solution? budgeted for a monthly cleaner! 😀

    One thing to note, when we moved in together and fought more frequently about stupid things, we felt like something was wrong. No other friends of ours mention having silly fights, so was something the matter with us? It took some time, but having other friends be honest and say yea be bicker about those things too make us feel more normal, and some even have valid solutions. It always sucked feeling like we were the only couple going through challenges.

  • We fight about odd things too. I love to get into political/controversial fights with him even though neither of us has nay interest in politics and I normally avoid the topic. We also fight about our kids second language is going to be all of the freaking time and we are years from kids. Weird right?

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