BluePrint Cleanse Review



BluePrint Cleanse Review

The BluePrint Cleanse.
Let’s just start by saying that I did this cleanse the same way I would do any other diet.
Spur of the moment and half-assed.
 
At about 8:45pm on Monday night, I booked it to Whole Foods to pick up all of the juices I’d need to do the 3 day cleanse. 
Only they didn’t have 3 days worth. 
So my cleanse became a 2 day cleanse. 
Sign from God? I think so.
 
So it’s pretty clear that I didn’t do any of the pre-cleanse prep work.
For a few days before your cleanse you are supposed to, wait for it…
wean yourself off of coffee…I’ll wait while we all finish having a chuckle.
Then you are supposed to eat more fruits and vegetables,
remove meat from your diet (done), and try to eat less processed foods.
So there you have it. I started off by failing.

I chose the beginner cleanse, called the Renovation.
 
And then the cleanse began. Within one gulp I knew I’d made a huge mistake.
You see, the blog world has very rarely steered me wrong.
If one of you recommends a hair product, I’ll buy it.
If someone tells me this recipe is great, I’ll try it.
(now I’m a rapper)
 
So I was astounded to find that all of those bloggers who said 
the green juice was “good” “pleasant” “zesty” or even “delicious” were 
no good dirty rotten stinking LIARS.
 
The green juice is disgusting. There, I said it. It’s horrible.
It tastes like salad in a blender. For all of you who just went…umm duh, it is…well someone (me) didn’t realize that it really would taste exactly that way.
I’m just not one of those girls who ever orders a salad without dressing so this came as quite a shock to the taste buds.
 
The day went on with the Pineapple Apple Mint (my bff P.A.M., she rocks), then another green juice (vom), then came the Beet juice. Now if I thought the green juice was bad, the beet juice mix (which was dark red) was a whole new low. As I was drinking it I just kept thinking, 
“oh my God, if I projectile vomit this up, I’ll look like a vampire.”
 
Let it be known that somewhere in between here I got the worst headache in history. Coffee needs to from henceforth be considered a part of my body, not a beverage.
 
Sometime in here I also began to have intense daydreams about cheese.
Thought process went a little something like this all afternoon:
  • Send and email to so-and-so
  • Cheese
  • Cheese with Macaroni
  • Reply to email
  • Orange powdered Kraft Macaroni and Cheese
  • Email…but wait
  • GOUDA
  • or even…HAVARTI
  • Oh good god, I can’t stop. I’d even eat Swiss.
  • CHEESE. HOW I MISS THEE.
After that came the Lemonade with Cayenne pepper. Some people said it was too spicy. I say they’re wusses. It was yummy but nutritionally, I don’t really see the point of it.
 
At the end of the night, they give you the real treat, the Cashew milk drink. Man that stuff is good. It’s so thick that it almost feels like your eating real food. I savored every drop.
 
So there you have it. The logistics.
Continue to page 2 for how I felt during the cleanse and the RESULTS.

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