13 Wedding Things I’m Just Not Into

When you get engaged the first thing people ask you (literally, within hours of being engaged and before you’ve had a chance to Google a single thing), is “So when are you getting married?” And the answer to that, my friends, is I have no effing clue.

I have not been good at figuring out what I like or what I want (what we like, what we want). But let’s be honest, the bride kind of steers the ship on this one.

Photo by Honor Photo Bar, Licenced under CC
Photo by Honor Photo Bar, Licenced under CC, click for source

What I have figured out, is that most traditional wedding stuff just isn’t us. I’m not into it. I LOVE going to other people’s weddings. I just don’t want a weddingy wedding for us. It’s not us. Oh, and it’s expensive.

So far I’ve just figured out what I (we) just aren’t into.

1. Veils. Maybe I’ll fall in love once I put one on, but I’m thinking this might be too weddyingy for me. My bestie didn’t wear a veil when she got married in October and it didn’t for one second feel like anything was missing.

2. Bouquet tosses. But I’ve already shared my thoughts on that one.

3. First dances. We need not be dancing in front of a large crowd. Trust me.

4. Garters. NOPE.

5. Any mention of “start their lives together”. We already started it. See living together, having a dog, and being life partners already.

6. Things being matchy matchy. I mean, have you seen my house? I’m clearly not a matchy matchy kind of girl. Also, it seems like I shouldn’t make my 26-year-old bestie and my 14-year-old sister wear the same dress.

7. Registries. I’m confused about what to register for or why when we’ve already lived together for 2 years and have decent stuff. I really want a waffle maker. That’s literally all I’ve come up with so far. Oooh and Rollerblades! I might change my mind about this one because, well, PRESENTS.

8. Bridal Showers. See #7. I’m so confused. Also, my people are spread out. The wedding will be what brings us together.

9. Cake. Does it taste good? Is it buttercream? That’s the extent of what I care about regarding cakes. It’ll be a sheet cake from Costco because that’s how much I just don’t care.

10. Feeling pressure to invite everyone. N and I both have pretty large families. Am I going to go into debt to invite my second cousin who I see every other Christmas? No.

11. A religious influenced ceremony. We aren’t religious so this is a no brainer.

12. Chairs for the ceremony. I’m not convinced that people need to sit down for a ceremony that is under 10 minutes.

13. Referring to Save the Dates as STDs. You guys, people do this. Kills me every time. I am not mature enough to handle some girl in a wedding forum talking about how she’s “omg so stressed about her STDs”.

Want to try to convince me to wear a veil? Is there something traditional we absolutely should include? Help a girl out cause I’m pretty clueless about where to start.

  • You don’t want STDs? C’mon 😉

    In all seriousness, I think you’re ahead of the game of knowing what you won’t stand for (see also: get into debt to pay for) in this circus of an industry. Can’t wait to see how it will all come together!

    • Thank you, friend! I’m not interesting in this turning into a circus so we’ll see how it goes. I’m looking at lots of alternative spaces in the Philadelphia area.

  • I love number 11. How are you going to do it?

    • We are having N’s best friend perform the ceremony for us. He is actually the one who took our photos when we were getting engaged! He is going to do a fantastic job and I think it will be personal and funny.

  • Kira Bublitz

    We did a destination wedding because I didn’t want to pay for a big wedding, and I didn’t want to stand up in front of a big group of people. It was perfect! I didn’t wear a veil. We didn’t dance. We only allowed immediate family to come. We only had our maid of honor and best man stand up. We didn’t even allow shoes because of it being a beach wedding. We had a big reception when we got back that anyone could come to, but everyone helped with food and booze and it was held at our home, so it didn’t cost us anything. The only thing I would change is what we registered for, which was nothing. Make sure to set up an account to help fund your honeymoon, or register for something, anything. Otherwise, you will get a lot of spices and wine… Do what you want! It’s your wedding and you will only get to do it once! Congrats! And I hope it’s perfect 🙂

  • Emily

    You are missing out on one of the most fun parts of being engaged-talking about STD’s! It is good to get it out there on the same page with your partner about what is important to you and what isn’t. Just be prepared to stick to your guns for the millionth time someone expresses their opinion about what your wedding “has” to have. Lots of people have ideas on what makes a wedding, a wedding. For some people it is a veil, for some people its fancy chairs during the ceremony. Reality is the only things you “have” to have is your partner and an officiant-the rest is bonus!

  • Yes to so many of these! We decided that we are NOT having a cake for our wedding but going with a different route for dessert.
    I wasn’t into registries until we started to make one. Turns out there are a TON of things that we are missing (like fancy mixing bowls …. kidding … kinda).

    Also, weird that you’re not into calling them STDs.

  • STDS ARE YOU KIDDING ME. That can’t be real. Must everything be made an acronym??

    We used Costco sheet cake for the grooms cake and it was DELICIOUS. The only reason we didn’t do it for my cake is because I really really wanted strawberry. But we used a dirt cheap local bakery and the cake was just plan white with absolutely no embellishments. And it was DELICIOUS. People love cake, cake is important.

    We didn’t live together, and both went straight from college to living with roommates who owned their own homes and stuff, so we genuinely needed all the STUFF, but I still hated everything about registering and about having random old ladies watch me open gifts and pretend to be excited about trash cans and ladles. Like, no.

  • I felt weird about registries too, but honestly, people are going to buy you gifts whether you want/need them to or not. I realized if that was the case, I’d rather have them get something I wanted or preferred instead of ending up with lots of random items.


  • RaeAnn

    This is great! I agree with all of the above, and would like to add that if the DJ at my wedding plays the chicken dance he will NOT be getting paid! I’m helping my cousin plan her wedding right now, and she is doing absolutely all of the traditional wedding things. It stresses me out just watching her.
    Also, just a suggestion: when one of my cousins got married, in lieu of a traditional registry they had a website set up where you could choose a charity to make a donation to in their name, which I thought was a very cool idea! Especially if you really have no need for ‘traditional’ wedding gifts (china sets, tupperware, ect.)

  • I’ve never heard someone call them STD’s, that is really odd, I am not into that either! As for the veil I think it depends on the dress, when you get your dress try a couple on, some veil/dress combos are amazing and you can’t do the dress without the veil, other dresses can speak perfectly fine on their own. My friend just got married and had this amazing veil that made the dress even better, it really made the whole thing come together. Some of the other dresses she tried on though would have looked silly with a veil.

  • I love it all. I did a few of the things listed but only because I was just following what the peeps told me to do. I didn’t want a veil…just not my style and I did not have wedding colors…I found a dress I liked in my favorite color and literally just based the flowers around the dress. I just didn’t care about decorations, the events, making people happy…I was just so excited that I got to spend that special moment with Michael. You do what you want and people will get over it. 🙂

  • I love this. While helping my sister with her wedding I learned there’s a lot of things I don’t care about when it comes to wedding too. And that’s okay! I’m excited to hear about your plans because they’ll be different and 100% you! Just remember that though when family and friends think it’s more about what they want. I can’t tell you how many times I had to tell people “but it’s not your wedding, it’s my sisters…”

    But go for the gifts. Couples have no traditional items on their registries all the time. My brother in law requested a video game system on theirs and they actually got it. Think of it as a time to ask for things you would never get yourself or wouldn’t normally ask for.

  • Great list! Instead of a traditional registry, you should look into getting a honeymoon registry (check out this site: http://www.travelersjoy.com)- you and your fiancee can plan a honeymoon and ask for practical things, like some money toward the plane ticket, hotel accommodations, food, sight-seeing things, etc. That way, people can choose how they want to chip in and how much & you guys don’t end up with a bunch of duplicate items for the house or things you don’t really want. I think I’ll be using this idea when I get married someday! Let me know how you like the idea & congrats on the engagement! 😀

  • Though I’m nowhere close to getting married, I agree with a lot of these. I love veils on others, but on me? Who knows. It just doesn’t feel like a necessity. I’m torn about matching bridesmaid dresses. I love their consistent look, but you’re totally right about not wanting my bestie and younger sister in the same get up. Yikes. I’m sure you and N can think of some awesome registry items given enough time! Since y’all already have some nice things, y’all have the luxury to capitalize on wants versus needs. Score!

  • We completely skipped most of these. It was in a barn (before that was a thing) and we had bbq and s’mores. Most of them are pointless. We did have chairs for the ceremony, but there were a ton of people and our ceremony got closer to 20 minutes. The only one I might disagree with you on is the cake. It’s totally worth having a good cake, but if you like publix cake, get a publix cake!

  • Okay seriously, I feel like my sister wrote this. She got engaged in November and we’re in the midst of planning, but she’s literally throwing all of the above out the window, ha! She says she’s prioritizing the love, food, fun, and that’s it 😉

    If you’re not into registering… there’s this really cool thing I’ve been reading about that’s kind of like a honeymoon registry! People can choose to help pay for the hotel, flight, activities, massages, whatever! 🙂

  • I was not a fan of veils either. I put pearl bobby pins in my hair and loved that instead! And I have never heard of Save the Dates referred to as STD’s haha, maybe because in the Mormon culture we don’t really do save the dates…. probably because we get married so quick you might as well just send an announcement. A waffle maker sounds important though, and it made me hungry!

  • First of all, mazel tov!! I think it’s awesome that you and N know what you do and don’t want. We didn’t have a bouquet or garter toss, and all of my bridesmaids (to whom I collectively referred to as The Bridal Brigade) wore different dresses in the same color. You have to do what is right for you guys! I highly recommend checking out A Practical Wedding because it’s, well, practical, and has a TON. of great posts about marriage, wedding planning, and life in general. Again, congrats!!

  • Mar

    CONGRATS! Sounds like we’re on the exact same page when it comes to weddings – ours was anything but traditional. No veil, no bouquet toss, no garter, non-denominational, barely any speeches and no cake cutting. Basically it was one giant party that we didn’t want to interrupt with things like cake cutting.

  • I didn’t do a garter toss (that would be so awkward!!) or a bouquet toss because I was IN LOVE with my bouquet and didn’t want anyone else to have it!!

  • Oh, the STD thing kills me! We are not talking about diseases here… Also, the pressure to invite everyone. My cousin had a small wedding and only invited his immediate family, as in not all of us second and third cousins. Or, as my mother and grandmother put it “only the people he likes.” Personally, I was more along the lines of “good, my weekend is still

  • I get so livid when someone has announced their engagement and people immediately start asking about the date. I want to yell at them via Facebook for the new bride-to-be.

    Sheet cake is a really good idea! I was in an outdoor wedding this summer, and the cake melted. Like the tiers starting sliding off of the cake.

    My cousin and her fiancee have lived together for years, and I think it’s so cool that they registered on this site called wanderable.com. You can gift them activities for their honeymoon – horseback riding on the beach, breakfast in bed, tapas making classes, etc.

  • I get you. I totally do. I wanted anything but a veil, but ended up with one for the ceremony for my mom and ditched it at the reception. Problem solved. We did no bouquet toss, no garter toss, and no STDs. Life went on. I fell down when I danced with my dad (hello, he went to dance lessons?!), jumped up, and went back to it. Cake tasting was fun, but no reason to kill you self on over the top designs… It’s cake, it gets eaten. :). Find yourself a good photog and have fun with it. I was pretty peaceful on my wedding day, so I have the happiest memories. The drama ruined a few days – so figure out what the non negotiable safe for the people you care about… Those people and ultimately you and N are the only ones who count. CHEERS TO YOU!!

  • Shay

    Great list. Out of the 13 things you listed I didn’t have 8 of them in my wedding. It still went great. And it was beautiful. And I would never want to repeat it ever in my life. Don’t worry, still happily married to my husband LOL

  • I didn’t have an official wedding cake (although we do have pictures of us cutting the cake, which randomly happened because I wanted to eat a piece, but it wasn’t a “wedding cake”), and I didn’t do a garter toss because the thought made me uncomfortable. Do what you want to do, it’s your wedding!

  • Congrats on your recent engagement! That is very exciting and it’s nice to see that you have strong opinions about what you want YOUR wedding to look like – and that you don’t care about what the “popular” choice might be. Good for you.

    A bit off-topic: while I love your new blog design, I wish you had a short summary underneath your photo that included your name and some information about your blog. That way newbies would have an idea about what your blog is all about. Just a thought. 🙂

    ~ Christina

  • People actually refer to save the dates as STDs?!! I haven’t heard that one yet but now I’m totally going to listen for it now. Whoever thought that was a good idea was on crack. I was one of those girls too who totally wasn’t going to wear a veil on her wedding, but ended up finding one that was really simple and elegant and went well with my dress. I’ve seen some really adorable headpieces though that I think are really awesome. I ended up just wearing the veil for the ceremony and had a headband for the reception. No bouquet or garter toss for me either! My mother may have had a mini heart-attack at the lack of a tossed bouquet, but she survived. 😉

  • #13. Really? Eww. I’m glad I’ve never come across that one..up until now.

  • Kim

    love this! I just got engaged on Christmas and I agree with a lot of these. I also want a blush colored dress and I definitely want not only mismatched bridesmaid dresses but different shades or different colors from a nice color palette. No bouquets no garters etc etc

    I love the idea of the honeymoon registry but my fiancé doesn’t 🙁 but it’s an option! My Indian friends put no boxed presents on their invites and I guess it’s an Indian tradition anyway to just give cash plus $1 for luck!

    Ack! So many things to think about! Have fun!

  • Since y’all already have stuff from living together there’s this site where your guests can donate towards your honeymoon instead. I can’t remember the name of the site for the life of me, but they were on shark tank a few months ago!

  • If everyone you would want at a bridal shower is super spread out, maybe mention that instead of a traditional bridal shower, you would want to do a recipe round up and have a cookbook made. A recipe from every “guest”. It was something that my mom thought of to include family that lived too far away. We ran out of time to plan it and put all the logistics together, but it still sounds like a fun idea!

  • People really call them STDs?… and they say it out loud???!

    • I thought the exact thing. I have never heard of people say this. LOL.

  • I would love to have people stand at our wedding however in our province (canada) the ceremony has to be 15-20 long to make it legal (complete bull, but necessary). We aren’t registering or doing garters, dances, religion and we did not do Save the Dates (also STD… I would never have thought of that mostly because I do not like to shorten words)

  • I’m nowhere near getting married but I know that I don’t want 90% of the things on this list either!

    Chairs would still be on mine because old people. But I love the idea mentioned above of registering either for charities or for help in planning the honeymoon.

    Definitely no veil, and GARTERS?? People still do that?!! I’ve literally never seen this happen at any single wedding I’ve been to. Seems really old fashioned and really immensely awkward to me…

    My advice: do what you want and establish boundaries with your family regarding their input and how much you intend to follow their advice!

    And have fun!!! 🙂

    Little Miss Katy | UK Lifestyle Blog

  • hehe love this. Not into veils either. They really only suit certain people.

    As for registry, you can have a Honeymoon Fund (a couple of my friends did that) or just ask for “no boxed gifts”. When I got married we were living with my mother in law so we didn’t need anything for the house and the couple of candelabra that we got were kind of pointless…!

    So happy for you 🙂 and also, wedding planning is no fun, so don’t be afraid to say that you hate it!!


  • First of all, congratulations on the start of a whole new chapter in your life! And also, by already knowing what you don’t want for your wedding, that is a huge plus because there are so many details to take care of it’s insane!
    I also didn’t wear a veil, though they look so romantic & timeless, they are super expensive and it feels like something from the 18th century, so out-dated & misogynistic. I think their purpose it’s for church weddings, and since you’re not having one then yeyy! We also didn’t have a church wedding but we had the most amazing civil ministry that brought everybody to tears, it was so personal and sweet, it was way better than doing it with a priest!
    But I would really encourage you to have a bridal shower, I also has super hesitant at the beginning but my mom did it as a gift for me so I gave in. It was so magical to have all my friends and family together, even though they were so spare out like yours. It was when I really began feeling all the excitement of the wedding planning because you can feel and see how all the people you love the most are be supporting you through every step of the way. It’s truly heartwarming & encouraging, trust me. Give it a shot at least with your closest friends, you’ll see! 🙂

  • Wow, you truly make my wedding feel like it was not traditional at all! No veil, no garter, no cake, non-Religious ceremony, eclectic, etc. You can do whatever suits the two of you for a wedding. Don’t stress too much about what your family wants or how they feel a wedding should be. I personally think my wedding turned out beautifully without all the traditional items. 🙂

  • As a wedding photographer I highly suggest one. And not because I am a wedding photographer, but because the pictures are worth it. But you have to get a good one, and look at portfolios, don’t get a landscape photographer like my MIL did for our wedding. I hate my pictures. They are only in an album because the photographer printed out 4×6’s and gave them to me. If I could do it all over again, I would have an intimate ceremony with the people who are currently in my lives. I do wish I could change some things, but we have the outcome we wanted. We are married. You can also have a friend wed you by going online since you aren’t religious and it saves having to pay for a minister, judge, etc. and it’s more personal. Someone who really knows you. = D Good Luck.

  • I was very anti-veil before getting married. I didn’t like them and didn’t want any part of wearing one on my wedding day. When I found THE dress my bridal consultant went to put a veil on my head and I stopped her telling her very sternly that I didn’t want to wear a veil. My grandmother convinced me to “just try it on,” and as soon as she put it on me I knew I had to have it. I went from anti-veil to cathedral length veil in under 10 seconds. I even shocked myself on that one! Congratulations on the engagement! You’re going to be a gorgeous bride!

  • We weren’t going to have a cake but one came with our reception venue, so we got a cake(obviously we were paying for it with the reception cost, but it made it pretty easy – and tasted good!). I ended up making a lot of concessions(religious ceremony, bridal shower, inviting people we didn’t want to-they never came anyway), but we stood firm on lots of other things. No garter, or bouquet toss(so embarrassing for the bride! Who wants to do that?!?) Ultimately, I almost completely lost my shit with planning my wedding. It’s been 7 months since we were married, and I’m still not over it. I would suggest get help from somewhere neutral(a trusted friend? a planner?) Not a mother or mother in law with strong opinions. That was my major problem and it was constant walking on egg-shells(no hurt feelings? HAH!). Every situation is different, and I am so happy to be married, but honestly, don’t discount eloping! Starting off with this list from the beginning and allowing family and friends to know about it so they don’t force their expectations on you is a HUGE start! Just do what you want, try to plan the wedding for you, and not 100% for your guests, and enjoy being engaged. Good luck!

  • haha! a lot of these I totally agree with. please don’t call them stds- why must we abbreviate everything? I guess I’m weird but I like long ceremonies, that seems to be out these days but to me that’s what it’s about.

  • Amen! I don’t want a shower, but my mom doesn’t want to hurt my aunts’ feelings. We live in a tiny apartment and do not need more things. Why should I have to make a ton of returns in order not to hurt someone’s feelings?

    And garters? Is this the 50’s? He will not dig around under my dress in front of everyone I know.

  • I had no desire to wear a veil either and didn’t.

  • AA

    You sound like me. I got married four years ago and my bridesmaids all picked out their own dresses (and they were black so they could actually wear them again!). I didn’t wear a veil. No garter/bouquet toss. Our focus was on having great food, great cake, and a great party. We sprung for high end liquor and an awesome band because that stuff was important to us.

    I think we did well because people still tell us they had a blast at our wedding.

  • OMG Stds? I have a ton of friends but haven’t heard that one yet. And amen to the 10 minute long ceremony. Love all my friends who wanted a longer ceremony but getting to the good stuff should not take longer than 30!

  • My boyfriend and I got engaged in May of 2013 and I have a few to add to the list!

    – Being introduced as Mr. and Mrs. Boyfriend’s First Name, Boyfriend’s Last Name. Heads. will. roll. if my DJ does this at my wedding. It bothers me to no end. The woman is just totally erased from the equation now?

    – Anything princess-y or queen-related, like tiaras or the phrase, “Princess for the day!” or “I want to feel like a princess!” No. You are not a princess. You are a grown-ass woman getting married. You are not a special flower or the figurehead of a country.

  • meighan

    Do yourself a favor and register for everything. The returns arent difficult and it’s easy money!! We had like $700+ credit at various stores from returns and got stuff we actually wanted and kept other stuff we wanted/needed. Congrats! Just enjoy the process!

  • I TOTALLY agree with you. There are so many things we don’t want to do, and both of our parents are having a hard time understanding. One of the biggest things is that we don’t want a cake, and really want to do ice cream instead (for a July 2 wedding). Lots of questions about the “traditional cutting of the cake.” I say who needs it, I just want to eat some ice cream and dance with my new husband.

    Congratulations again!! So happy for you two!

  • Erin

    ::Forewarning:: here comes the girl with the novel length comments 😉
    I say it’s your wedding, do what feel right to you two. People are gonna talk one way or another, they’re either gonna love lots, dislike some, or totally hate bits & pieces. Haters gonna hate, right? Can’t believe I just quoted a T Swift song but it fit and I did. At the end of the day all that matters is two officially & legally became one joined in matrimony. As long as you & N are happy with your decisions that’s what matters the most.
    As far as showers go, I never had one, heck when we finally had a “proper” ceremony & reception we had already been married and living together for well over a year on the other side of the country and pretty much had a basic household set up in our teeny tiny CA apartment- so our registries were pretty sparse and basic too- although I did register for a small amount of things at Target & even Bed, Bath & Beyond and ended up with a decent amount of gift cards after I had to return most of the gifts since we did it all in Ohio and had to go back to CA where we lived.{Also, most places offer a discount after the registry event has passed on any items that still remain on your list- I’m thinking 10 to at least 15/20% if not more some places. Target I think offered that sort of deal, although that was 7 years ago, so check into policies on any places you’re thinking of registering at. I always wondered why people registered for the most ridiculously priced and seemingly odd wedding gifts ever, like giant flat screen TVs and tents & camping equipment, just thinking off the top of my head. If there are some pricier items you’ve had your eyes on think about registering for them if you find a place that offers a discount after the fact…}
    Personally, I wore a veil, mainly I think it’s because it went with this awesome sparkly beautiful headpiece my aunt let me borrow from her wedding; the whole set was actually hers and totally gorgeous- fit perfectly with my dress and everything!
    Depending on your ceremony venue not having chairs for a ceremony could seem odd, outdoors it could make total sense to be chair less, I was at a beach wedding once no chairs & another that had chairs(both worked in their own respect for the couples in each situation) an indoor wedding may be actually more suited to have chairs involved in the ceremony. If you decide to go with no chairs hopefully guests don’t arrive too far in advance of the ceremony & are left standing and waiting in suits, dress & heels…
    I’m starting to see more & more parties with girls wearing only the same color & fabric types these days. As long as no one strays too far from the rest of the group there shouldn’t really be a reason to make your BFF & a much younger cousin or family member where the exact same dress. Perhaps just make sure you get input & ‘approval’ if possible before all final purchases are made on dresses…
    I’m with you, my brain is in all the wrong places with the abbreviation of Save the Dates. We didn’t use them, but with social media, Facebook & what not the way it is these days it’s not like people didn’t know we were engaged and were aware of when & where the big day was(wedding websites you can make are wonderful like that!)
    If you both have large families maybe you can decide together how far out in the branches(extended family wise) you’ll both go. We didn’t really have much of that problem. His family/friend list was much smaller(being that we lived in CA no one from there was really flying to OH in December for a weekend) Being that we went to HS together we both kind of knew/hung out with the same smallish group of friends. All in all I’d say we probably had a small to medium-ish sized guest list. We each only had 5 on either side with us and 2 flower girls & 1 ring bearer so in total including us the party was 15.
    Looking forward to reading more as the wedding planning continues & your big day approaches- hopefully, I can keep the novel like comments to a minimum 😉
    Good luck, enjoy planning & have a very happy and safe New Year’s Eve!

  • Register somewhere you can buy clothes or cute home decor. Then return all the gifts and go shopping. I’m not joking. People want to buy you toasters and wine glasses (so many wine glasses) so let them, and then go buy a cute dress for all the 8087 other weddings you will probably be attending in the next year or so.

  • Kara

    You sound so much like me right after I got engaged! We decided on a super small (25 person) destination wedding with only immediate family and close friends. Everyone we know is so spread out, they would have had to travel anyways! Outdoor, non-denominational, 15-minute ceremony, and a fun reception without bouquet and garter tosses. We got married at a resort which had a “small wedding package”, it included the food, drinks, set-up, flowers, and photography with a planner thrown in! No registry, since everyone traveled for the wedding. And the gifts we gave our wedding attendants were buying their bridesmaid dresses/paying for their tux rental. It was easy, memorable, and a beautiful location in the mountains. Please email me if you’d like more info, I could go on and on about how easy it was!

    • We’re looking at destination wedding venues right now! May I ask where you guys went, it sounds exactly like what we want 🙂

      • Kara

        Sorry it took me so long to respond! Skamania report in Stevenson, WA. We chose the intimate wedding package and it was awesome!!! We also looked at places near Lake Lure, NC. It’s a gorgeous place.

  • Kristin Couch

    My husband and I got married at a rooftop sports bar by his father. The indoor bar was open before the (5 minute) ceremony, no sense in waiting for a drink. Afterwards, no first dance, no cake cutting, no garter, no bouquet toss, just a free for all enjoying our friends, music and the perfect summer weather. My bridesmaids picked their own dresses from a row of paint chips, boys could wear any grey pants they wanted. It can be done and people will say you threw the best party ever!

  • You really made me laugh with the “when are you getting married?” Question. I almost slapped a few people the weekend we got engaged for thinking I had somehow already figured that out.

    I hope you are aware of what a big favor you are doing yourself by realizing this stuff and being ok with it! None of it matters as long as you’re down with it. Also, be prepared that you may change your mind on some of the above, and again, who cares! I was anti-veil the whole way through until about a month before I felt like something didn’t quite work. I wound up ordered a birdcage veil on Etsy, never even took it out of the box until the day of and only wore it for the ceremony but that was my version of perfect. We were also anti-cake until we wound up booking our reception at a venue that included a cake in their package so we just went with it. And it was delicious.

  • ugh the gartners/having a random person put one on you or another woman at your wedding is so gross! Agreed

  • Valerie

    Hahaha! I agree with every single one of these. The more weddings I see, the more I know what I don’t want, rather than what I do.

  • When it comes to your big day, make it the biggest, bestest party you can! For us, we knew it would probably be the one and only time we would have all of our friends and family in one place (we too are spread out), so we just wanted it to feel like US and to be FUN! Good luck with the planning lady!

  • I bet someone has already mentioned this, but you should register for honeymoon gifts. We did HoneyFund when we got married because we already had most of what we needed, and we found that people loved being able to give a specific item, like champagne, or pool drinks, or a sunset cruise.

  • GIRLFRIEND!!! I could have written this, this is EXACTLY us as well! We just got engaged in October and we’ve been together for 11 years, yes, ELEVEN! and we have a dog and two kids together, we just bought a house we are remodeling and all I want is a effing vacation! We spent hours looking at venues and we decided we were going to rent a HUGE house out and invite our closest 75ish family/friends and have a big party on lake Michigan and have our aunt ordained and marry us. Seemed simple but then shit adds up! Everyone won’t stop asking us A. when are we getting married, have we choosed a date, a place? and B. are we going to have another baby?! LIKE HELLLLOOOOO I really don’t want to do both at the same time!!! Anyway, my point is…were having a big “wedding shower/celebration” (there will be no gift opening in front of ppl, that’s so tacky to me) and that will be this September THEN we are headed to Mexico at the end of March to celebrate my man’s 30th birthday and get married in one big swoop! With the kids and whoever else choose to come! I’m finally excited about wedding planning…because I wasn’t, I REALLY wasn’t! It’s great that you already know what you DON’T want, my list is rather extensive as well! Congrats again 🙂

  • Pamela

    Re #11. Have you ever heard of Humanists Nadine? I’m not sure if it’s legal in the US (I’m from the UK) but I used one as we’re not religious either. Basically they believe in kindness and equality and humans just being good people. It was fab she told ‘our’ story and we got to choose our vows. They can incorporate cute things like non-religious poems, lighting candles or binding your wrists with ribbon to symbolise unity etc.

    Also had all our invitations made and decorated my shop bought cake myself with fake flowers I purchased from Ebay, it was much more affordable and no one knew 🙂

    Can’t wait to hear more about your plans as they evolve and congratulations! 🙂

  • JC

    I have had so many of these feelings. decisions that i have made: 1. no garter 2. no matchy matchy (the girls are picking their own dresses and shades) 3. my moms are doing the shower, bc I didnt want one 4. use the registry to upgrade everything i already have 5. no save the dates bc postage is expensive and I don’t wnat everyone I had to invite to actually come. 6. no cake, just a random desert table (cookies etc.. maybe an ice cream bar if we can fit it) 7. Our friend just got ordained, he’s going to marry us, so no religious affiliation

  • I didn’t do a veil. It just didn’t match my personality or the feel of our wedding. First dance? Ugh no thank you. We didn’t have music or a DJ. That isn’t us at all and we hate to dance. My MOH made me a garter, but I did NOT do a garter toss (I do not like those at all and didn’t want that at my wedding). Since I didn’t use it, I put it in a shadowbox that I made and kept it since it was handmade. We didn’t have cake, but we had cupcakes from this pastry shop. I hate wedding cake, because usually they use fondant and it tastes like crap. Plus, cupcakes were cheaper and matched the feel of our wedding. We didn’t invite my entire family. We invited my husband’s, but his family is small (like maybe 14 people). Out of my family, I only invited TWO. We didn’t even send out save-the-dates, since we were engaged and married in 5.5 months. Our wedding ceremony was short (maybe 15-20 minutes) and it wasn’t overly religious.

    I did a bouquet toss. We did registries because we thought it was fun (and I like scanning stuff). Plus, I wanted people to get stuff that we wanted, instead of something we possibly might hate or already have. My friend threw me a bridal show, but there was like only five people there 🙁 We had chairs for the ceremony (and even more chairs for the cocktail hour and reception. combine the chairs with the linens and bows for the chairs) and they were one of the top expensive purchases.

  • We lived together for 2 years when we got married, but we also knew we’d be moving within the next year or so. We ended up registering for a lot of stuff we had but needed replacing or would need replacing within the next year. Cutting boards, new pot sets, baking pans.. etc. And right now it’s all in our spare bedroom still in boxes waiting for a move to open up their beautiful sealed box edges and into a kitchen with storage space.

    Also, veils: my mom was big on me wearing a veil, so we compromised and I just wore a blush veil backwards. I didn’t want one in my face, but definitely couldn’t handle those long things messing with my hair I meticulously planned.

    Good Cake: Our cake-lady is a friend of the family who makes amazing cakes. So it was an easy decision. AND she said she’d make us a one layer cake for our one year anniversary, because no one should eat year old cake.

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