10 Reasons I Could Never Be a New Yorker

Occasionally I have the pleasure of working from our New York office. Every time I see the New York City skyline, it takes my breath away. It’s a feeling in my stomach, like magic. It’s endless possibilities.  It’s kind of indescribable unless you’ve experienced it but there really is nothing like it.

But I could never be a New Yorker. Here’s why:

1. When you smile at people they look at you like you’re crazy. I smile too much.

2. If I bump into someone, I apologize. And I mean it.

3. I have a crazy fear of being crushed to death by a falling air conditioning unit.

4. I can never figure out if I’m getting on an express train or not. Or what that even means. All I know is that I always wind up way past where I thought I was going. And that, my friends, is God’s way of telling you that you shoulda walked.

5. I’m no Carrie Bradshaw. I refuse to wear heels while walking around the city. Jorts, t-shirts, and sandals, thank you. But I’m pretty sure that outfit screams “I’m from the burbs!”

6. But on that note, it gives me a constant feeling of inferiority. Is this outfit not “New York” enough? Does everything I do scream “I’m not from here!”?

7. I’m cheap. A friend of mine lives in Manhattan. She has a studio apartment that has been converted into a three bedroom. Each bedroom is the size of a queen size mattress and they pay almost a grand each. Woof.

8. I’m still fearful. It’s the greatest city in the world and no doubt, America’s most loved city. That will probably always make it a target.

9. Archie. Manhattan isn’t made for big dogs. And I’ll never live anywhere that he doesn’t. After all, who would sleep on my pillow, cover me with love (in the form of dog hair), and constantly invade my personal space?

10. I’m a good driver. Every New Yorker will hate me for this one (including the New Yorker I live with. Sorry N!) but it’s true. I’m aggressive when appropriate, not all the freaking time.

But I’ll give credit where credit is due, New York does have its perks:

1. The mani-pedi’s there are half the price of anywhere else. I have no idea why, given the fact that everything else in New York is double the price. Whatever, I’ll take it.

2. Public Transportation. Look, I might have train schedule issues but if I lived there, I’d figure it out. And I’d get everywhere in half the time and it would effing rule.

3. Every single kind of food. YES. Get in my mouth.

4.  Investment bankers. Hey, if that’s what you’re looking for, New York is the place to be. Want a guy who is in his mid-twenties, makes 6 figures, and works 80 hours a week? Get your booty to New York.

5. The end of boredom. Remember last week when I got bored, freaked out, and bought a plane ticket? Yeah, that probably wouldn’t have happened if I lived in NYC. Why? Because there is always something to do.

I’m sure there are a million other reasons why living in New York would be super awesome and would suck, sometimes simultaneously. Still, I have to tip my hat to you, New York. You still give me those butterflies that no other city ever will. So for now, I’ll keep crushing on you from a distance.

Could YOU be a New Yorker? What do you love about the city?

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